Hanan V 1.0

Things that make you go ughhhhh

2008-11-11T23:07:00.005+04:00

Or just want to blog ...

Parts of a telephone conversation that an English person who has moved to the area only a couple of weeks ago.

From the tone of the English person I figured that the person on the line was not doing their job properly.

English Person: I want you to get this done by tomorrow *or something to that effect*

Other Person: *I am assuming this* enshallah

English Person: No No No Not enshallah...but tomorrow...I need this to be delivered by tomorrow ok? Not enshallah! Tomorrow!

I couldn't hear the English person anymore but I heard someone else that was with the English person laughing really loudly.

Warning: This is not for the faint hearted germaphobes or people who have a tendency to be obsessive compulsive.

The other day, while browsing the miscellaneous aisle at the local supermarket, I heard a familiar yet out of place clicking sound. I looked around trying to find the source of that sound. You can only imagine my surprise when I saw it coming from a guy who was leaning on the shelves cutting his finger nails. Yes, you read it right! He was cutting his nails.

I nudged my sister and asked her if I was imagining things. But, no I was not. The guy was really cutting his nails in the middle of a supermarket. I stood there staring at him in complete shock/disgust, trying to shame him with my stare. But the guy was oblivious to anyone around him, once he was done with the cutting, he moved on to filing the nails.

And once this little manicure session was over, he threw the nail cutter right back in the pile of all the other nail cutters for sale!

I am still astound.

Last week, I was called in by my boss for a special project. A special project in our office lingo means a project that involves at least an H.E. level person. I was asked to work on a presentation for a certain H.E..

Honestly, I was thrilled; this was it. This was my break. This was my chance to prove to everyone how talented/smart/indispensable I am.

So I did my homework by getting a detailed brief, asking all the right questions and getting all the information needed blah blah blah trying so hard to impress everyone.

Little did I know, that my presentation was not really a presentation for the H.E. but more like a college project for H.E.'s daughter!!!!

I wish that I was kidding, but no I am not. That is the sad truth. Me: miss goody two shoes, the person who never *ok never might be too strong of a word* but who hardly cheated or copied anyone else's work back in school, had to *almost* do some spoilt brat's level 400 paper.

And that wasn't the end of it! To help me, help her with the project; she sent me copies of the chapters! To better understand the requirements !!!!

The nerve of the brat!!

Thinking out loud

2008-05-13T02:00:00.004+04:00

" So your family has been in the UAE for a while right? You are an old Emirati? "

Who is an Old Emirati? Who is an Emirati?

Are you born an Emirati? Is it your Passport that makes you an Emirati? Or is the 5ula9at El qaid?

Are Emiratis people of certain tribes only? From certain Emirates?

Who is more Emirati: people of Yemeni roots or Persian Roots? What about Buloush? What about the other 5aleejy people who have the Emirati citizenship? Are they considered Emirati too?

If we rate Emiratis: Do we have First Class Emiratis? Second Class Emiratis? Who is at the bottom of the this system?

Here's a tricky question:

Let us assume that technically you are a second class Emirati but you have a lot of money (definition of a lot of money: millions) would that make you a first class Emirati?

Foot in my mouth

2008-04-22T21:20:00.003+04:00

I made the ultimate mistake in the corporate world: I was IMing snide -but true- comments about a coworker and I got caught!

She accidently read the conversation and reported it to our boss.

If there is one thing that I hate more than being wrong; it's being caught at it!

I cant think of words to describe the discomfort I am feeling right now. Ugh!

Am7ag Ba5t

2008-04-13T20:46:00.003+04:00

If there was such a thing as Filipino Manicurists Association, they would definitely have this small talk to do checklist.

- Ask about age

- Ask about marital status

- If single, ask why they are still single ( I don't know the scenario for married women)

- Ask whether the person with you is your: sister/friend/mother/daughter/etc

- Ask who is younger

This is my latest nail bar misadventure.

Manicurist: How old are you?

Hanan: twenty something

M: Ohhhh but you look so young

H: Thanks.

M: Are you married? (this is the second rule)

H: No

M: But why?

I smile like an idiot.

M: You have boyfriend?

H: No

M: Ohh your religion wont let you ehh?

I will spare you the how-do-Emirati-girls-get-married part and skip to the juicy/heart breaking stuff.

M: I have a brother you know...same age as you.He is studying computer science, very good looking. He is willing to convert you know. You think your parents would agree?!

Hanan's ego has left the building.

2008-03-24T17:22:00.002+04:00

My company sent me to a 2.5 days course. I got to sit next to a Tyra Banks look-alike. My initial reaction: Who's this clown? I just hate newbies, I can't help it. Anyways, I just acted courteous, and tried to curb any of the many sarcastic comments I had flooding my brain. And this is what I get...

First day of the course-

Tyra Banks look-alike: OMG you are so nice!
Hanan: ....
Tyra Banks look-alike: No seriously
Hanan: you don't really know me
Tyra Banks look-alike: No, I saw your pics on the intranet and I knew that I had to meet this girl..you seemed so nice.. your pics are so pretty mashallah
Hanan: errr thanks?

One week after the course, Tyra Banks look-alike ads me on BlackBerry Messenger.

Tyra Banks look-alike: Hanan, what's your favorite color?
Hanan: I don't know ... (color)
Tyra Banks look-alike: (color) nice :) I wanna know 3 of your favorite colors. What are the other 2?
Hanan (seriously confused): color 2 & color 3
Tyra Banks look-alike: Hanan is a very nice name. But when I chat to you it feels more like Hanno or maybe Alhanan. Duno. What do your friends call you? Any special nicknames?
Hanan (seriously scared): No one calls me anything. It's just Hanan.
Tyra Banks look alike: May I call you henno or Hanno?
Hanan: hey g2g

Hanan changes her status to unavailable.

2008-03-11T21:04:00.004+04:00

It is completely acceptable for a woman to work, travel, spend forty hours a week with her male co-workers. However, she can not take pictures with them.

Co-worker 1: Sorry, we don't take photos. Mangood. 3eib. Am not allowed to.

Me: Why?

Co-worker 2: Cause we just dont trust people. You never know who will get hold of them.

Me: So you mean you don't trust your co-workers? Cause no one else will look at them.

Co-worker 1: No of course I trust them!

Co-worker 2: It's not about trust. The guys I work with are amazing.

Me: 3eyal? what is it?

Co-worker 1: Ah well you never know!

I just don't get the whole stigma around taking and publishing Emirati women's photos.

We have 4 women in our cabinet
50 percent of the jobs in the ministries and federal organizations are occupied by Emirati women.

We have the youngest female judge in the Arab World.
We have women working as public prosecutors, doctors, engineers, pilots, etc.
Over 70 percent of Emirati undergraduates are women.

But the majority of the women still thinks that it's unacceptable for others to see their photos.

2008-01-10T16:07:00.000+04:00

I don't know why I let everything you say get to me?
Obviously I care, for some reason beyond my understanding, I care. Otherwise I wouldn't be spending most of my time playing, pausing, rewinding all our conversations in my head.

I don't want to impress you. I don't want to be you. I don't want to be your friend. I don't want your acknowledgment. Yet, I am so freaking obsessed, that I am blogging about it.

Of all the things I want to tell you, I want to tell you this: For a so called nonconformist, you surely do judge!

Word Vomit

2007-11-14T00:31:00.000+04:00

" A fine line separates the weary recluse from the fearful hermit. Finer still is the line between hermit and a bitter misanthrope"

Recently I turned into a bitter misanthrope. I am super critical about everything around me and I am bitter. About everything; about my life, about my job (right now my life = my job so that is redundancy for you!) about decisions I made, decisions I didn't make.

If I was practising Islam as well as I should be, I would have understood that this is all Qadaa wa Qadar. Everything is predestined. Yet I am unable to cope with what is going on in my life. Or what is not going on with my life.

It was very foggy this morning. While driving in my neighborhood in the thick blinding fog I was almost expecting to see bloodied winged monsters. I should have known that getting flashbacks of silent hill was not the best way to start your day! On my way back home, I saw a road killed cat. Not the best way to end your day either!

Embarak 3alaikom Eshahar

2007-09-15T13:17:00.000+04:00

Ramadan Kareem everyone.

May Allah bless us all with his mercy, forgiveness and Hedaya.

Please dont forget to keep the Islamic Ummah in your prayers.

Reason # 762950 why it sucks to be a woman

2007-08-20T13:39:00.000+04:00

I can not travel on my own.

2007-08-19T15:33:00.000+04:00

In grade 2, as part of the Islamic Education curriculum we were required to memorize a few short Suwar from The Holy Quran. The Suwar were always broken down to smaller lessons of 2 or more to enable us to memorize the soora as well as understand its meanings.

One of the Suwar we had that year was Surat Al-Adiyat (سورة العاديات) . I remember being absent the day we learnt either the first or the second part of that Sura. So upon being asked to recite the previous day's lesson , I looked at my teacher and answered with a very confused tone, that I was absent.

She was a substitute teacher, so whether I memorized my lesson or not she could have not cared any less, so she looked at me for a second and just dismissed the whole thing.

Now I don't remember what were the other lessons I had that day, but I specifically remember Surat Al-Adiyat. As a child (and a slightly unwell one at that moment!) I thought that I have found the best excuse in the world: "I was absent!".

I guess I really believed that excuse, for till today I have difficulty memorizing Surat Al-Adiyat.

Blog Sweet Blog

2007-08-04T13:48:00.000+04:00

I consider myself a fairly open minded person, as open minded as my religion would allow me. So I guess that would make me a conservative open minded person! At work, I am labelled as the most conservative person in the entire company (exhibit one). Which I personally don't mind, since many of my colleagues are mun7aleen a5laqeyan anyway (So much for not being judgemental!!)

But yesterday for some weird reason I just couldn't explain what I was going through. I got to know that one of my brother's closest friends is applying to work at the same company. He was applying for a position within a team I work closely with.

I have never seen my brother's friend, I don't even know how he looks like, I never had to deal with him, because that is the way things are in here.
But now, if he got the job, I will have to work with him. He will get to know that I am X's sister. We have to be on friendly terms!!!

Now I have to make this clear, I am not doing anything that would offend my brother in any way. (This is where exhibit one comes in handy) And since I have no skeletons in my closet and since I know that I will always be someone's daughter, someone's sister, and maybe someday someone's wife and someone's mother; this situation should not bother me.

But the truth is, it is.

Some are ... Some aren't

2007-06-29T14:18:00.000+04:00

Summer is here again, bringing along with its hot and sticky weather memories of old miserable summers. Summers of Monsoons. Summers of mosquito bites. Summers spent fantasizing about cool European destinations. Summers of failed attempts of getting a golden glow. Summers of broken friendships. And broken hearts. Summers of weddings and all the drama that comes with that.

Yet as always, this summer seems to be the worst of them all.

I met a good friend of mine a few days ago who confided in me her horrible story.

A couple of months ago she got in touch with one of her old school friends. It started off as just getting to know each other again. And now it turned into a proper relationship; honey bunny and all!!!

This would have been fine as it is, if both the people in this scenario were not married! She has been married less than two years ago and he is a father of three.

My friend reassures me that she would never take this any further than where they are right now; regular phone calls and coffee dates once in a while.

What disappointed me the most was the lack of stigma! She hardly showed any signs of remorse. Now I wont pretend that this is the first time I get to hear about a cheating wife as appose to the more common stereotypical cheating husband. But hearing it first hand from someone I know and trust was unsettling.

What justifies infidelity? Why is our culture accepting extra marital affairs? Is a neglecting husband an excuse? Is an unsympathetic wife enough of a reason to get into another relationship?

Later that day, as if on cue, I came across the following:

" Today, the cultural message is that affairs are not so much a matter of character, but more a matter of circumstance. This line of thinking puts the blame squarely on the relationship- and the burden often on the non cheating partner. " - Jillian Straus, Unhooked Generation.

This applies to my friend's story. To her, she didn't do anything wrong. It was her husband who drove her to another man's arms (or ears in her case as they mostly talk on the phone)

But does this make infidelity OK? Does this make me judgmental? I wouldn't know. What I know for sure is that I have never been more scared of commitment.

Ewwwwwwwwwww

2007-06-17T16:04:00.000+04:00

Worst thing in the world: listening to a girl talking to her guy on the phone and going all whispery!
waja3!

Face Off!

2007-06-04T15:29:00.000+04:00

The only reason for websites like Facebook to exist is to make people feel sorry about themselves and about the life they are living. There is always someone else who has more friends, who goes to more parties, who went to better schools, who ended up with a better job etc..

Or maybe that is just the way I see things in my own twisted way.

Another reason I hate websites like Facebook is because it revives people back into your life. People from my past should just stay in my past! There is a reason they are not in my life anymore and that's because I dont want them to be!!!

People are screaming out loud for attention, check out my new Beemer, check out this guy am dating, check out my new LV bag, check out my bling.

Life has never been so materialistic or superficial. I have never been more depressed.

2007-04-03T16:28:00.000+04:00

I can not help but to confide to rules of a culture I have no respect for.

My mun7aref Baby

2007-03-27T17:34:00.000+04:00

While driving back home the other day, I hit the pavement and messed up the car's axle or meezaneya as we say it.Apart from the tilted steering wheel el7amdillah nothing happened to the car or anyone inside it.

I didn't really know what happened and I didn't know what to do.
So I park the car in a laybay and call my brothers for help. My brothers being my brothers asked me to ignore the message on my dashboard and drive back carefully.
I was still on the phone when a car stopped by and a guy in a beanie cap asked me whether I was waiting for the dawreyya (police) I said no the beanie guys goes like: " I saw you hit the pavement, you better call the police. It's your cars axle that got hit not the tyre nor the rings. Otherwise this will cost you a fortune"
I thank the Fa3el 5air and call the police.

Here is the weird part: you would think the police would answer in a couple of seconds right? Guess what? They don't!
They answered me about 30 seconds later and enjoyed making fun of me and my driving! But that's a different story all together!

Anyways, Nice Beanie Cap guy if you are reading this: You are genuinely nice: I personally wouldn't do such a thing! Thank You !

Illa el Mujahereen!

2007-03-20T11:05:00.000+04:00

عن أبي هريرة رضي الله عنه قال: سمعت رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يقول:

"كل أمتي معافى إلا المجاهرين، وإن من المجاهرة أن يعمل الرجل بالليل عملاً ثم يصبح وقد ستره الله فيقول: يا فلان! عملت البارحة كذا وكذا، وقد بات يستره ربه، ويصبح يكشف ستر الله عليه"

GoodBye

2007-03-17T23:04:00.000+04:00

He was the one who would tell you dirty jokes when he knew he shouldn't have.
He was the one who told you all those funny adventures you wished you could ever have.
And when you were growing older you were embarassed to be seen with him, cause one way or the other he would manage to embarass you.
Today he is gone. And he will be missed.

3ammy, I was never close to you but I always envied my other cousins for knowing you better. I never got to know you and today you leave us to hopefully a better place.

Allah yer7amk ya 3ammy oo ye'3amed roo7ak el janna.

Is anybody out there?

2007-03-10T14:27:00.000+04:00

Is there light at the end of the tunnel? I highly doubt it wallah

Mind Games of the Heart

2007-03-07T13:16:00.000+04:00

Strike One

She picks up the phone and calls her fiancee and thanks him for the beautiful flowers he sent her that morning. He denies sending her anything. She asks him to stop joking and appreciates his "romantic gesture". He reassures her that he did not send her anything. Sounding confused she tells him that she got flowers and assumed it was him and innocently hangs up.

The things that strikes me as weird in this story is that there were no flowers, the leading actress (as this turned into a story of make believe) made up the whole story to drive her fiancee crazy.

Strike Two

She was walking down the street with her admirer. She knew he had a crush on her. He didn't know she was taken. He looks away for a minute, and there she faints, right into his arms.

Strike Three and She's out!

Voodoo

2007-03-04T14:19:00.000+04:00

If I never get married, do not assume it is because of any of the following reasons:

I do not believe in marriage
I am not really looking
I do not think anyone is good enough
Let's see if someone can sweep me off my feet
I am not sending the right vibes
I am not exactly the most sociable person

It's because one of our ex servants/maids/domestic help (whichever is more political correct) threatened to do magic on me so I never get married!!

Istaghfer Allah... that is why Education is a blessing.

I blog, therefore I am

2007-03-02T20:46:00.000+04:00

Blog sweet Blog!!!

This February turned out to be one of the busiest times of my life... by my life I mean my work. Because lately my life was work and my work was my life.
This is about to change, I hope.

I made a very late new year's resolution; I will not turn into my dad. My dad turned his job into his life and now that he has retired, he just seems lost.

So the first thing I will do about dejobifying my life is to stop blogging about it, right now! lol

ArabLady: Thanks babe for asking about me.
ClayFuture: I wish I was on vacation!

Cruel Cruel Me

2007-02-04T16:14:00.000+04:00

My company had an event at the mall yesterday. Like any other public event, there had to be giveaways.
Freebies come in, my manners go out.
After almost being run over by a crowd of 600 people, I lost my nerves.
I also lost my humanity.
There was a half blind/deaf man in the crowd, he kept on asking me for a goody bag, I had a strict policy, I asked him to wait in the line or hang around till the main attraction was over.
I don't know where the guy went, but he came later on when all the giveaways were over.
And he kept on pointing to his hearing aid. I got so furious at this guy.
How could he use his disability to gain people's sympathy? How could he treat himself this way? I was treating him as an equal , and there he was asking to be treated differently. He wanted me to feel sorry for him, when I was dignifying him !

Yet I feel miserable about the whole situation

Your Mailbox is Full

2007-02-03T10:41:00.000+04:00

My PostSecret books are here. I think I am becoming obsessed with other people's secrets.

The sticker on the package was kinda funny, especially when you read it in Arabic: Qanooneyan !!!

One thing worth mentioning is that the shipping service at Amazon has never been better! You receive your order within 10 days !!

Just for Kicks

2007-01-30T13:19:00.000+04:00

I got tagged by 3anooda.

Although I have been a blogger/ online diary keeper for a few years now, I think I have done this kind of thing only twice before =/

So this would be my attempt at lightening up a little

What will happen to your e-mail when you die?
what happens to emails when people die?

Did you try once to give the password to someone? If yes, what kind of relation that you have with this person to trust him/her and give him/her the key of your secrets?
No
Your famous nickname among your Friends?
Recently Radz started calling me The Sarcastic.

Your age?
Twenty Something

Your horoscope?
Leo. Roar.

Qualifications?
It's a bachelors degree that personally I don't accredit!

Your character "personality"?
Real.

What travel means to you?
Escape.

What do you purchase?
What kind of a question is it?

Features taken from your dad
His frown

Features taken from your mom
Just my face and character!

The most 6 things you hate
Pathetic, Petty, Vain, Self Centered, Hypocrite Snobs

The most 6 things you love
My books,
DVD Collection,
Sense of humour,
Tolerence,
Chocolate,
Good Food

What computer and Internet mean to you
My gateway to the world.

You would like to pass this tag to
I think I will pass on that.

عازبون بلا حدود

2007-01-29T19:02:00.000+04:00

This post has been lying in my dashboard as a draft for a couple of weeks now.
Finding this blog; got me to finally post it.

Why should I get married?
What is so wrong with just staying single?
I have a good job, I make a decent living, I can even afford luxury once in a while.
I have a family that loves and supports me -well most of the time-
I have friends who support me when my family does not (lol)
I have my share of freedom, I can always get more of it, but I am not complaining.

So why does everyone think that I need a man to complete me?
And what are the chances that the person I will marry would be able to provide me with a better life?

Mystery: Why do people refer to their partners as their better half?
Better half? huh? but wouldn't that mean that my husband would be my better half and I would be his worse half?

Only In Abu Dhabi!

2007-01-14T10:11:00.000+04:00

This is an ad for Itha3at el Quran (Quran's Radio Station)!!!!!!
- I apologize for the terrible image quality -

I was appalled to see this advertisement all over the city.

If we don't respect our religion, how can we expect others to do so?

Roots

2007-01-12T14:52:00.000+04:00

I dreamt of my grandmother last night, the one that passed away several years ago.
She was healthier and younger than I ever remember and she was smiling at me.
I hugged her for what seemed like ages and cried .
I miss my grandma.
I miss them both.
I miss having a big family that cares.

What happens to 9elat era7m when the ra7m remains nomore?

let go off me

2007-01-11T14:45:00.000+04:00

2007-01-09T10:36:00.000+04:00

" We are what we repeatedly do" - Aristotle

I am a sinner
I am a dreamer
I am a crier
I am a mocker
I am an exploder
I am a liar
I am a forgetter
I am a hater
I am a procrastinator
I am a joker
I am a loser
I am a giver
I am a winner of all the wrong battles

I am a fool

What a wonderful world!

2007-01-07T09:12:00.000+04:00

"when you really want something to happen, the whole universe conspires so that your wish comes true" - Alchemist.

I made up my mind. And this time I will stick to my decison. I know I should have done it a while ago but always something or the other was stopping me. I was distressed and I was expecting the worse to happen. I had a terrible night, but I did sleep, in fact I slept right away, I always sleep. But it was a distressed sleep, I kept on having weird dreams, and I woke up several times during the night shivering.

When I woke up this morning, a weird sensation took over me. I felt like someone else, as if whatever happened last night happened to somebody else. I got dressed to work, and I actually felt good. It has been a while since I actually felt good.

I took the plants I bought yesterday and put them in my car. On my way to work, I listened to the Quran CDs purchased the day before that soothed my mood. And when I got to work, I found several empty parking spaces!

I guess the Universe is conspiring to make things for me!

Blame it on my youth

2007-01-06T22:58:00.000+04:00

Here is the thing:

I love you but I don't want you: You don't love me yet you want me

There is something extremely disturbing in this situation

How else do I feel? In the words of Jamie Cullum:

If I cried a little bit, when first I learned the truth

Don’t blame it on my heart, blame it on my youth

Strings

2007-01-03T11:35:00.000+04:00

Kahani mohabbat ki hai mukhtesar

Gaya dil se phir woh na aaya idher

Yet another song stuck in my head!

Mean Green

2007-01-02T13:33:00.000+04:00

UAE cinema ticket prices go up

What next?

الحقيقة أغرب من الخيال

2006-12-28T09:47:00.000+04:00

My Fabricated twisted Version of this twisted news story!

Why Single Emirati Girls are terrified
By Hanan in UAE December 28, 2006

It is a big mistake to venture out at night if you are young, female and unmarried in the UAE.

Fatma M7amad, a university student, let her guard down and paid the price by being kidnapped. Four days after being carried off by a gang of thugs, starved and severely beaten, Fatma found herself married to a man she had never seen before. (oooh that's new!)
Her tears and screams led to beatings, at least until the nuptials were complete. During the marriage ceremony a rope was tied around Fatma's waist in case she disgraced the groom's family by trying to flee. (so kidnapping someone to marry them is not disgraceful enough) But by then, the resistance had been beaten out of her.

In those dark hours, all she wanted was for the nightmare to end, even if it meant being married to a complete stranger. But, like thousands of similarly married Emirati girls, she feared the kidnappers' vengeance. Unwilling to face more beatings, she resigned himself to marriage.

This is marriage season in UAE, and it is a dangerous time for young women. Imaginary Emirati workers say excessive dowry demands by brides has forced the parents of young men to hire men to organise such "shotgun alliances".

Payment of large dowries - banned by law - is widespread in UAE. The groom is expected to shower the bride with a wide range of consumer goods, jewellery and cash .

Activists in UAE said the bride kidnapping system was well honed. Delivery by the "Rasein bel '3a9b contractors" was guaranteed within days. "Fatat jameela mu7tarama thaat 5uleq" are among the top targets.

I repeat this is a work of fiction I don't want readers to think this actually happens in UAE, we have our own problems as it is lol !

Season's Greetings

2006-12-25T12:41:00.000+04:00

One of the best greeting cards I have received this season.

My scanner did not do it much justice.

This one was designed by Calcium Advertising. Great Work!

So text me

2006-12-21T12:18:00.000+04:00

"In this world of ordinary people

extraordinary people

I'm glad there is you

In this world of overrated pleasures

and underrated treasures

I'm glad there is you"

- Jamie Cullum

Treasures from extraordinary people in my life: their words mean the world to me

"My life is a series of events that can be described as : what's least possible to go wrong will most probably go wrong to the maximum. "
- P.T (3:55 pm 7-Dec-06)

" I have eyes to see, ears to hear n the ability to think n speak! I am educated, I have enough money to even occasionally lavishly spend. I can walk, run, n lie down. I have a grand roof on my head n a family to fall back on. I eat whenever I want n have water to drink n bathe. Most importantly I was born a Muslim. n I know Allah la yu'9aye3 ajr el3ibad. I'm not going to let the occasional misfortunes of life make me ungrateful or unthankful!
- T (3:48 pm 5- Dec-06)

يا رب كانه ما حصل لي ألاقيه و ألقى معه روحي و نبض(ن) فقدته

خذ عمرياللي باقي(ن) لي فلا بيه أنا وعدت و بأوفي اللي وعدته

ال(لا) لغيره بس له تنقلب (ايه) وقعت بإسمه خافقي و اعتمدته

الله أكبؤ من كثر ما أنا أغليه لا زاد هجرانه من الوصل زدته

- A (5:39 pm 11-Dec-06)

sovereign

2006-12-14T15:08:00.000+04:00

I Fight for power .. power to control myself

" being able to survive it doesnt mean it was ever ok..."

2006-12-11T11:56:00.000+04:00

One of my new guilty pleasures that I am embarrassed to admit is regularly checking post secret .
There is something so therapeutic about sitting behind a screen and looking at other people's secrets. As you look at each post card someone else's life unravels in front of you explaining to you about your own life and struggles.

"Stumbling I fall away it's hard to make a change

easy to be who you are when no one knows your name

walking past the lonely walls with eyes as cold as stonec

limb inside the emptiness it's safe when you're alone" - Lifehouse

come on, judge me

2006-12-05T09:51:00.000+04:00

For some reason I feel like I should be blogging about the rain, about how beautifully depressing it was, about how it promised me of new beginnings and bitter ends.
But I guess I wont. After all, I never did what I expected myself to do. I outdo myself with my rebel against my own self.

What I will blog about is the creepy incident that happened to my yesterday.

On my way to work yesterday morning, I saw a colleague's brand new car and a smile crept on my face remembering an inside joke.
I looked up and saw a phattan (Pakistani) driver in a pick up who just saw me smiling from ear to ear. The minute our eyes met, he actually attempted to pick me up!!! Imagine THAT!! " shesmak, agool shesmak!!!"
In panic I frowned, looked away, and ran for my life. Then mixed feelings of anger, humiliation, disgust and surprise flooded me. I was angered at how cheap a man made me feel. I was humiliated by what what my "market value seemed to be" . Disgusted at the thought of being hit on by a phattan and surprised at the fact that a phattan actually has just hit on a local, and most probably by his demonstrated confidence it seems that it did work for him a few times before!!

Lu'3atuna Aljameela

2006-11-20T18:24:00.000+04:00

Tufaa3? Oh boy!

6aaaaaa5

2006-11-20T17:57:00.000+04:00

A Blonde Moment,,,

In a meeting with the General Manager and the top directors at my old work, I wanted to ask the General Manager a question. Addressing him as Bu Flan just seemed to bedwee to my taste, I raised my hand and said: "Excuse me Mr. GM"!!!!!

A Filipino Moment,,,

During one of my meetings with my -oh-I-love-to-embarass-everyone-manager, instead of saying Khalifa I said "KALEEPPA"!!!!

And A Bloushy Moment.

During the transitional phase between my zalama accent and local accent, upon leaving a shop in KSA, I looked at the salesman and said "MASHKOORA"!!!

Sigh.....

2006-11-14T15:18:00.000+04:00

I was looking at the Reuters selection of best pictures from the last 24 hours. I stopped at this pic, it looked too familiar, then I moved to the next slide, where I noticed there is a caption underneath each picture, went back to this picture and read the caption. A construction site in Dubai. Why am I not surprised?

Time of Death 10:15

2006-11-05T11:28:00.000+04:00

I hung up, not knowing what to say. I sent an email to a co-worker reassigning our meeting with someone else. I left a note to an other co-worker and told the rest that I have to leave on an urgent basis.

In the elevator, I examined my reflection in the mirror; fixed my sheila, and checked my teeth.
On my way to the car I took a glimpse towards the driver's seat. He was on the phone, he was breathing heavily and his tears were already rolling. Someone already told him. I sighed in relief, I didn't want to be the one to tell him, or anyone else for that matter.

When will I have to be back to work? What should I be wearing? Will it be OK for me to wear make-up? I guess foundation and kohl will be acceptable.. whatever happened to that Kuwaiti blogger who wrote something about Jakie Kennedy ? Now she knew how to blog. Did she say it was acceptable or not? Maybe drop the kohl, just foundation and lots of concealer, I am sure I will look awful from all the crying. But Hanan you are not crying, why are you not crying yet? Does it have to do with the antidepressants you're taking? Or is this what you have grown to be; a cold hearted person void of all emotions? My phone rang, " Hanan, is everything OK?" "I wont be able to come to work for a few days, It's an emergency" " What is it? Are you OK" "My.. my.. my grandmother passed away". The moment the words came out my lips, uncontrollable burning tears rushed down my cheeks. They were tears of grief over the loss of my grandma, mixed with tears of joy that after all I am a human.

And to be fair ...

2006-10-15T12:52:00.000+04:00

Hanan's list of annoying men:

Men who end any debate with: Cause I am a man. Dude that's not a valide argument!
Men who walk in the malls with a tribe of kids yelling, Ya Walad ro7 3end ummak, but still manage to hit on any woman around.
Men who think that being a man makes him a better driver. Two words for you: Danica Patrick .
Men who think they can get married at any age to women of any age. 60 marrying 16 is just gross!
Men who think married women are easy. Shame on you!
Men who think that they can get anyone women they want. Meaning when they say Bayeeb raas flaana!!
Men who hide their age. I actually met a guy who never confessed his age and bragged about him looking very young. Dude, being short does not mean being young!
Men who wear diamonds . A girl's best friend! Wanna steal that from us too?
Men who think that men can excel in any feel, not due to personal qualities but because they are men! --> very similar to point 1, just shows how annoying it is!
Men with long hair: It's only ok if you have nice hair and it shouldn't be longer than shoulder-length no matter what!

Poisonous Eve

2006-10-09T11:44:00.000+04:00

Hanan's list of annoying women:

Women who think being dumb is the best way to act in front of men. No, I will leave all the math work on you, I am a woman, I don't like to think!
Women who consider getting married their ultimate goal.
Women who after fulfilling their ultimate goal, can't stop talking about their husbands. Even more annoying are the ones who would ad, well you don't have a husband so you wouldn't know how it is for us married women!
Women who think being open minded means being of loose character.
Women who think its OK to talk about women issues among other women. - No just cause I know about it doesn't mean I wanna know about what's going on with you!
Women in 7ejab who allow their daughters to dress up like baby hoochie mamas.
Women who when attempting to get to know you ask, what is your star sign? - What's up with that?!
Women who swear they were gonna buy the same shirt from X shop. But then decided against it. Or women who go like, ooh nice skirt, it's from X shop right? If you know you saw it, why bother asking me about it?!
Women who just think they deserve special treatment just because they are women. To the lady waiting for a taxi the other day, you saw there were 5 men standing in the line you knew that they were there before you, you felt the terrible weather, you had no right to take that cab.
Women who just have to make everything about them. Your broken arm reminds them of when their neighbors pet turtle was lost and they had to paint their house blue!

Stupid Mistake!

2006-09-19T18:02:00.000+04:00

Genuine mistakes turn into stupid WHY ME incidents.
Red = my thoughts

[Inbox] 10:16 am
Good Morning.Start ur day with asmile like what im doing now! Have anice day.

[Outbox]
Good morning to you too :) And you are?

[Inbox] 10:41 am
What do you mean by and u r?

[Outbox]
I mean who am I texting?

[Inbox] 10:40 am
U will make me upset!

[Outbox]
Any clues?

Inoming Call

Me: Hello?
Texter: ALLOO
how are you?
Me: good, who - the hell- are you?
Texter: You dont know me?
Me: No! Who is this? (why would I ask if I already knew?)
Texter: Dont you remember?
Me: -getting really impatient -No, do I know you?
Texter: We met at the airport 2 months ago
Me: (Huh? I wasnt nowhere near an airport 2 months ago) Dude you are mistaken
Texter: No no no I am sure its you
Me: so who do you think you are talking to?
Texter: I dont know you name, what letter does it start with?
Me: Are you kidding me? What? No. Dude you are mistaken.
Where did you get this number from?
Texter: You gave it to me at the airport?
Me: What the hell?Who does this guy think he is talking to? Listen dude, I dont give out my number to strangers, and if I ever did I think I would remember. so yeah you got the wrong number. Bye
Texter: No No No wait, I am the pilot you met at the airport, you said I look too young to be a pilot then we had to leave so we exchanged numbers.
Me: Like What kind of cheesy pick up line is that!! huh? No No NO. You are mistaken so bye.

Hang up.

Inoming Call
--> Yeah Right! me ignore

[Inbox] 11:04 am
Really im sorry if im mistaken! but try 2 remember my name is Y***** hald local and half from lebanon.Any way it was really nice talking 2 u and sms u earlly in the morning :-)

[Inbox ]11:14 Multimedia Message

Is this supposed to be funny?Ok I have to admit it, I smiled a little bit! At first I thought the guy was so demented that he would actually send me his picture!

Inoming Call
Time to set things straight.

Texter: -Laughing- Do you remember me know?
Me: Yes! Listen this is not funny. The message was funny but this is not funny anymore. I am serious, I have no idea where you got my number from but I would really appreciate it if you stop calling me! I just dont do such 7arakaat ok?
Texter: Are you sure you dont know me? Dont you know any pilots? I know one, she's a woman!! We met? Maybe your friend gave me your number WHAT? Ok ok fine I wont bother you anymore. It was nice talking to you
Me: Bye
Texter: Bye

[Inbox 11:32]
It was really nice talking 2 u :-) can i be one of ur friende? I have no one her coz i was in u.s ! Like that will make me go oooh he is lonely! Take care and have asweet day like u. You definitly dont know me Mr. cause noone who knows me describes me as sweet!

[Inbox 1:25]
Time is like a river...u can't stEp On d same water twice becaue d flow that has passed will never pass u again..Cherish every moment of ur life. Stay happy! OMG! what are you trying to say? this is my moment to become your friend, otherwise I will lose it?

What I hate about being the new kid?

2006-09-12T08:46:00.000+04:00

You have to keep on reminding people of your name
People just assume you already know everything about their current business and projects
You have to ask all those questions to know about what s going on, and when you do that everyone looks at you like you are a complete idiot
All the inside jokes !
Being told that: that is not how things are done in here
Not really be given specific things to do because apparently you dont know how things are done in there!

I am sure there are more, I'll update them

New kid on the block

2006-09-03T11:03:00.000+04:00

I have entered a new world!
A world where all girls wear lots of make up, fancy 3bas and designer bags.
A world where everyone squeals when they greet others.
They talk in Italics.
How are you! I missed you so much! I have to show you the pictures!
A world where everyone s chatty and happy.
A world where the glossier you are the wider you smile.
I thought 4 years at ZU would be more than enough to make me get over this.
But now it seems I am dealing with a bling world of a different league.
The players now have an audience to impress; the white kandoras!
Oh boy!!

walking away

2006-08-30T20:15:00.000+04:00

That is one year of my life packed in one small box!!

I can't believe I wasted an entire year of life rotting in that place. I believe it was one of the least challenging phases of my life. No I guess that would make it one of the most challenging phases of my life. It challenged my tolerance, it challenged my sanity, it challenged my trust in myself. I guess in some ways I rose up to the occasion, and in other I miserably failed.

Enshallah, let's just hope that I am about to begin something more fulfilling.

When I looked at the box after I was done clearing away my stuff, this cheesy urdu shayeri got stuck in my head. It was one of those antidepressant induced moments, where a word or a phase would pass through my head and I begin repeating it over and over. I have no control over this and it just goes on and on until my head really hurts and my tongue becomes heavy and dry.

"Insaan ki khawahish ki koi intihaa nahi,Do gaz zameen chahiye, do gaz kafan ke baad"

2006-08-15T07:57:00.000+04:00

I am sure I am not supposed to be scanning official letters that I get at work but I could not help myself! For some reason this subject cracked me up! Emtane3 warba7! Emtane3 3an what exactly?! LOL
I dont know what a regular not-a-kid person would think!
But this it seems is a campaign to help people quit smoking!
I dont know why but I always thought that the word mostly used with smoking was Eqla3 (9ee'3at Amr) or Eqlaa3 ( Esem)

Sunshine On My Window

2006-08-13T09:24:00.000+04:00

On my way to work today I saw: mini rainbows over road-side sprinklers, one extraordinary black Ferrari, two black sheeps and a white one!

Hanan of Arabia

2006-08-12T10:58:00.000+04:00

My 3 years old niece was spending the night with me.
Tucked in her bed, and right before she slept, she looked up at the ceiling and asked me:
Baby: 7anan, Allah foug?
Me: yes, he is everywhere. (Thinking: where did that come from?!)
Baby: Allah boy?
Me: La he is not
Baby: Allah maye7ebny?
Me: (In utter surprise) La Allah ye7ebbech! Allah ye7ebna kelna!
And she dozed off.

My last words kept on echoing in my head and made me think of my past few days.
It was the answer to all my unasked questions.

I got my sign.

On my birthday

2006-08-07T12:11:00.000+04:00

7th August, 1992
A few of my cousins and my siblings were all sitting in grandma's room passing just another Summer afternoon. My aunts had just returned from the bank and were going through the events of the day. After counting all the money and checking her gold, my eldest aunt handed me a fresh from the bank bundle of notes and asked me to give it to my mom. It could have been my first time holding such a large sum of money. With a huge sense of responsibility and an air of superiority I went out of my grandma's room intending to go straight to ours. My brother who is two years older than me followed me out of the room and asked me to slow down.
We were in the hallway just outside of my grandmother's room, when he told me that the money I was holding was actually my birthday gift! " It is a large amount and that's why she didnt give it to you" I looked at him in disbelieve. " You can ask her if you want, go ahead, you know she is in there". He knew that I spent the whole day thinking how insignificant my birthday is to everyone in that house. He knew that I always thought someone will surprise me on my birthday, I always wanted that. I went back inside that room and asked my aunt in hesitation " Is this my birthday gift?" I dont remember who said what, but I still remember the laughter that filled the room, and the stabbing pain in my heart when my brother was rolling on the floor.

Let go of me

2006-08-05T11:27:00.000+04:00

I talked to my manager before he left on his annual leave that I will be submitting my resignation the following week. In utmost happiness he accepted it with no words of remorse whatsoever.

Upon completing exactly one year at the company and not a day more, I submitted my resignation with no second thoughts.
As neither my boss nor his manager, nor the General manager are available my resignation could not be accepted!

Now, the person in charge did contact my manager, but he did not receive any reply yet. Surprise surprise! My boss was not helpful when I was a full time employee and he had my loyalty, would he be helpful now that I am leaving?!

Funny how selfish some people can be, when I told him about my decision, my manager started bragging about an offer he got from somewhere else. " It's a very good offer, better than my current package. I wanted to work there, the housing allowance was less, and I didnt want to move to Dubai." Dude! How can it be a better offer when you are getting less allowance?!

Rapture tastes so sweet!

2006-08-01T14:01:00.000+04:00

With all the negativity in the air, I decided to count my blessings.

Some of the things that I am currently smiling about: (In a random order)

Sleeping in this morning.
Going late for work. I'm entitled to being late. At least 5 days per month.
Submitting my resignation. Euphoric!!
Being offered to be on a super mini TV clip (Wa6any ana... Ana Wa6any)
Receiving the Ultimate customer service from Amazon. They delivered the books I ordered within just a week!! I heart Amazon!
Having my friend over at work
My strawberry-pineapple juice
My new job!
The movie I am about to see in 45 minutes!

" It is never too late to have a happy childhood!" - Can't remember who said this hillarious quote!

Stop The Press ...

2006-07-31T09:31:00.000+04:00

I might have been tweleve years old when I started reading newspapers. Everyday on my way back from school I would grab my dad's copy and read Al Ittihad in the car. In the begining it was the just the last page and the Rayy Ennas articles, then I got interested in the 7awadeth section and so on, by the time I was in high school I was reading the whole paper more or less, including the dreadful first page that I purposly used to skip and the political and social essays written by renowned journalists.

It was one of those first page news that got me into one of my first great depressions. The 2001 "Intifada" broke my heart. The helplessness was too great to bear. To me the only way of coping was pretending that ignorance is bliss. And so it was in 2001 that I decided to end this long love-hate relationship and stop reading the papers altogether.

Surprisingly enough, for a person who eventually got a degree in Media Studies, I did not really need to read the papers. ( Now don't judge me; judge the program I was enrolled in!)

It wasnt until quiet recently, in a de-bimbofying* attempt to resuscitate my former so-called intellectual self that I sought back the company of newspapers. And this time I took out the big guns! I started going through a couple of local newspapers, and some arab and international news websites. This way I thought I will get the big picture. I would be able to evaluate infromation to produce my own unbiased and educated opinions on international affairs. And at the same time I would be able to steer away from getting into personal, emotional and irational dilemmas.**

Alas! I might as well had tried to make my boss fly!

It ain't ignorance that causes all the trouble in this world. It's the things people know that ain't so. --Edwin Armstrong

----------------
* I had to use that word! Since I made up that word this morning, I could not wait to use it!!
** Seems like I copied that from my ZULO reflection papers!!

إن لم تكن ذئبا أكلتك الذئاب

2006-07-25T10:49:00.000+04:00

This world is not a place for a person like me.
With all my hostility, I am still too mellow.

You gotta be kidding me!

2006-07-17T09:01:00.000+04:00

Some people just need twice as much sense to be called halfwits! Seriously how dumb can you be?

AND THE LATEST – SUPERMAN IS REAL
Numerous people around Dubai believe that Superman is not a product of a comic book, but in fact a real-life superhero.
>> This conspiracy theory only emerged yesterday after the 7DAYS printed a spoof paper called the ‘Daily Planet’ as part of an advertising campaign for the new movie ‘Superman Returns’. In the spoof paper photographs of Superman were shown in the UAE, Lebanon and Egypt.
>> Since the publishing of the spoof paper, however, 7DAYS has received legitimate phone-calls from the public asking whether the sightings were in fact real.
>> Unfortunately, 7DAYS had to bust this conspiracy theory and admit that the pictured sightings were courtesy of the power of Photoshop and purely an advertisment for the new movie ‘Superman Returns.

7days

Rock On!

2006-07-16T09:40:00.000+04:00

How come we can't see such ads in here?

Summer Empowerment

2006-07-15T02:41:00.000+04:00

Me and my sister in a souvenir shop :

Sister: Oooh this is so cute!
(My sister points at a crystal cube with customized 3D portrait inside)
Me: yeah it is alright
(Not really interested)
Sister: We should totally get our pics done
Me: yeah ok
(Still not interested)
Sister: which size should we take?
Me: hmmm
(I had to look up and see what she was talking about.
I see 3 piles of stacked crystal cubes:
The pile on left had 3 crystals of 3 different sizes
The pile in the middle had 3 crystals of 2 sizes,
The pile on the right; I can't really remember.)

Me: Excuse me, which one of those is the medium size?
(Silly Sales Attendant -SSA- points at the pile on the left)
SSA: if this one is small and this one is large, which size do you think is the one in the middle?
(Group of SSA starts laughing)
Me: Ok so what about the ones in here?
( I point at the pile in the middle)
SSA: those two are small but this one is large.
(SSAs laugh some more)
Me: see that is why I asked
SSA: It is up to me!
Me: you know because of that attitude of yours am not going to buy anything. Your Bad!

Me and Sis walk out of shop!

We just got a call !!

2006-06-13T07:33:00.001+04:00

I wonder how I managed to keep posting stuff without a single mentioning of how much I loathe my job! Notice to choice of word: loathe.

So anyways I got to know through a friend that this really good company had an opening in my line. So what do I do? I call this other friend of mine whose friend works in HR for that particular company and ask them to check out my resume. The next day I get an interview call!
I was so thrilled! The interview was scheduled for 11; at 9:30 I get a call saying that we should push it till 12. So am like OK! For the search-for-the-signs-type of person who I am that was not the best sign I could get...but I tried to suck it up and go on with it.. Around 11:30 I get a call that the interview will be postponed till 3. The sign is not getting any better!!!

So I am there at 2:45 and as soon as the elevator door opens, I see this girl from uni who remembers my name but I don’t remember hers! For someone who thinks that she has a SUPER memory that totally sucked! Anyways small talk lets me know that she is working there. And my superficial so-call-superior self goes like: OMG this is the type of people they hire! Snooty me; yeah I know! So I go like ok nice meeting you blah blah and supposedly I march off in this Huh I am so getting hired way when I realize that this -yeah-I-do-work-for-that-company company did not have a proper reception or receptionist ( I would like to believe that it was so because they are moving into a new building) So what do I do? I panic like crazy and run off to look for that nameless girl, and the really nice girl helps me find my way ( I am only adding nice cause people expect that you are supposed to appreciate others who help you)

As if I was not feeling awkward enough with that whole where-is-the-bloody-reception-those-heels-are-killing-me episode the interviewer, a young Emirati man in his early 40s walks into the office where I was waiting and just extends his hand right at me!! I look at him in surprise and mutter something like: me no shake hand! So he takes his eyes off his cell phone and looks up at me and says in the most condescending way: aaah entoo mub men elly ysalmoon!
What the hell was that?! Dude we are both Emirati the norm is that we do not shake hands!! I repeat we do not shake hands!!!

I just don’t get this! Why do I of all people keep on getting this handshake situation???

Handshake Horror Flashbacks:

1) High School Graduation Ceremony:
Yet another Emirati guy shaking hands with all of us and handing us stupid diplomas. All the 20 or 30 girls before me in line went ahead and shook hands with the guy.. I had to make this end so when it was my turn I walked up to the table where the guy was standing I extended my right hand and made this stupid stop sign and pointed it at him and said: Sorry ma asalem! The guy was horrified!! And I was beyond humiliation!! For a moment there I thought the whole auditorium went quiet and the only thing that was there was my stupid stop sign and the weird look on the poor guy's face!! But it seems that it did do the trick and he waited for the girls to extend their hands before!!!

2) Working at a bank:
An Emirati co-worker comes and shakes hand with this other Arab lady co-worker. then he looks at me smiles and just extends his hand right in my face ( I was sitting) This guy was so slimy; I didn’t even bother saying anything to him!! I just gave him a blank stare and kept my hands to myself!!

3) Only a dozen or two of professors and visitors at the uni (But those are foreigners: you can excuse them, mostly)

4) I was at this course once, at the end of the course the British instructor was shaking hands with everyone, when he came to me I was like am sorry but women in here don’t shake hands, he apologized and went all red and apologized again for his ignorance and just walked away. All good; no harm done. Until this really weird 5aleejy guy goes like “hehe don’t shake hands snort snort ". I felt so ticked off!!!!!! But I was in no way going to explain myself to that jerk and so I thought just a scornful look at him would do.

I know some just think that where the hell does this woman live? What era is this? Yeah well it does not really matter to me how unsophisticated it seems it is just that I am no supposed to be shaking hands and well, I am not, why cant you just respect that? And get off my back!!!

And to that jerk who said something like this on a similar note:
"Shaking hands with you or looking at you without your 7ijab does not do me anything"
Well I see you without 7ijab and hell I wish you had one! And A neqab too!!!

I wonder how I manage to do this; start my post saying: oh this one is going to be breezy, and end up discuss such issues!!! Next time, dear blog, I will right something cheery, I promise!

115 Relationship Titles

2006-05-30T09:35:00.000+04:00

"As if it came from an atavism deeper that fear, I used to add "brother" silently to boys' names. It hexed the boys, who would or would not ask me to dance, and made them less scary and as familiar and deserving of benevolence as girls.

But, of course, I hexed myself also- no dates. I should have stood up, both arms waving, and shouted out across libraries, " hey, you! Love me back." I had no idea, though, how to make attraction selective, how to control its direction and magnitude. If I made myself American-pretty so that the five or six Chinese boys in the class fell in love with me, everyone else- the Caucasian, Negro, and Japanese boys - would too. Sisterliness, dignified and honorable, made much more sense. "

Maxine Hong Kingston- The Woman Warrior

Hanan's Rules to survive the corporate world

2006-05-29T08:35:00.000+04:00

I can’t believe it has been almost a year since I started work.
Last August, I was this overly excited young girl ready to take the corporate world by storm. This August I am this girl who drives like crazy down the highway trying to make it at work before the maddening 7:16.
What happened between those two Augusts?Well Hanan was hit hard on her face by reality of this big bad world!

So to all those eager fresh Emirati graduates here are the 10 rules I think everyone has to know about the corporate world in the UAE.

Forget all you have learnt at uni/college/school. It only makes different in how much you get paid but otherwise has to real value whatsoever. You could be an Ivy League graduate but in this world it means nothing!
Your colleagues are old boring people. Forget all you have seen on Ally McBeal or how to get a guy in 10 days or 13 going on 30 or any other Hollywood movie where the people you work with look like magazine centerfolds and dress up in Marc Jacobs.
Your number one enemy is your Emirati boss. All he cares about is his title, his position, his promotion, his you get the picture! You are nothing but a new threat who wants to take over his position.
You wont have work everyday. OR: you may never get any real work ever! But don’t blame yourself. And don’t go and ask for work either. Your boss will get all those thoughts from rule # 3.
If rule #4 does not apply to you and you do get work. Be ready to be the secretary, the chai man/woman, the driver, the printer fixer, the interpreter, your English is good please proofread this for me-er, or we just need an Emirati person for this photo shoot person or god forbid we want to showcase ourselves as a nonsexist place where women have equal rights so please attend this meeting with the GM/consultants/guests etc person.
Never gossip with co workers. You never know who the snitch is!
EDIT: Never let your guard down even if the person in front of you is insisting on the whole brother/sister name calling thing. PS: It's just a line!
Have everything in writing! The oldest trick in the book: blame the new person!
One of the things they don’t tell you during your interview. One of the most important skills you have to have in order to be accepted by everyone else in your department: You should be able to list at least 5 different restaurants -that can deliver breakky or brunch- and their phone numbers and their special meals. As the new one around you have to be able to proof to them that you are what you eat!
The last but not the least: make sure you have internet connection and or a cell phone loaded with credit. Believe me you will need it!

Hay Fidelity?

2006-05-16T07:32:00.000+04:00

نقصت 10 كيلو

سويت ريجيم و راحت كرشتي

زوجي كتب البيت باسمي

بسافر و ألف العالم

زوجي كل أسبوع يفاجئني بهدية و يمدحني

و أنا الوحيدة في حياته

(اماراتية تحلم)

Last night I received that text message. It is just so sad! No not the whole diet and weight loss part cause am a firm believer that no lard can stand up against a well balanced diet and a good five times a week work out! But it was all the other points that got me frowning!
Most (let's say 97%) of Emirati girls grow up wanting to get married sooner than god forbid later. Now am not sure if the whole infatuation is with the idea of getting married or the idea of throwing an unforgettable wedding party or just having the burden of being a spinister off their shoulders but that is an other story all together.
What made me reread this message was not the fact that it was not funny in the first place but that I personally know more than handful of married Emirati women who can definitly see themselves in that message.
Is fidelity something so rare nowadays that people joke about it?
At a (feminist) friend's place this issue came up. We discussed whether a person should get into a relationship assuming that a time will come when their partner would cheat. We also wondered which would be better after knowing that your partner cheated/is cheating: staying with him or leaving? Keeping it to yourself or confronting him? Would it be a surprise that after years of marriage he was willing to give you up?

Eat your heart out

2006-05-09T10:21:00.000+04:00

As a kid in a school surrounded by people from an entirely different background from mine, I really had a hard time explaining myself.
I had a particularly difficult time saying the word “sandwich" in Arabic; at that time of course i didn’t know that the word in Arabic is the same as in English. At home I used to say it the way it is meant to be said" sandwich" and I said it in my highly appraised American accent (Whatever!!)

But at school I was confused by the different names my mates were giving it: sunddawittch... sandweesh...sainweeshé .
Usually it was only a couple of clueless girls around me who heard me say my own version of the word. But one unfortunate day in 3 grade, for some incomprehensible reason a teacher decided to ask us what we got for lunch ( I think she wanted to hog the best meal!) So when my turn came I got extremely confused and conscious and the dreadful word that came out of my mouth sounded like shhanndweesh !!!!! My mean teacher roared in laughter and so did the whole class!

Facts about the region

2006-05-08T12:29:00.000+04:00

On one of the rare occasions when the higher ups remembered that they hired me I was given a project to create an orientation guide for new employees coming to the UAE for the first time. HR are basically targeting expats from US, UK, Canada etc ( don't even get me started on that!! )
Anyways. In this guide I included points that I think might be useful for people coming to the region such as cost of living, social customs, food, recreation blah blah blah. To help me with this project, I was advised (by an expat) to go through some guidebooks that are specifically designed for travelers to the area. Well as it is no surprise those guides are written by expats for expats. Those guidebooks are ridiculous!!!!
Flipping through this particular guidebook was amusing yet surprising! Some of the information were news flash to me!
For example the attached excerpt! As a twenty something Emirati who lived here all her life I never felt the need to learn Persian of all languages!! Urdu/Hindi yeah we might need that sometimes! But Persian? Seriously? In situations when Arabic or English are not helpful I believe sign languages and hand gestures come to the rescue!
One of the other amusing things I read was " In the UAE the term 'sheikh' applies only to members of the ruling family. The rulers themselves carry the formal title of 'emir' (literally, 'prince'), but are usually referred to as 'sheikhs' "

HUH? Since when? Please someone correct me if I am wrong !!

The above two are examples I got from reading only about 14 pages or so, I wonder what else is there in the rest of the guidebook! And yeah this one is supposed to be the best one out there!

Well one more thing I have to say, no matter how much they read they are definitely in for a surprise!!

Holy!

2006-05-02T12:38:00.000+04:00

I went to KSA last week for 3omra. I will not discuss all the troubles and mishap at the airport cause they are Saudi they are expected to mess things up! But some of the things I saw at both the 7aram ( Holy Mosques) were extremely disturbing.

Side Note: Yes I wrote Mosque and not masjid cause it does not mean mosquitoes house!!To all email forwarders: Please check the accuracy of the information before you send it off to millions of people out there. So FYI: The word comes from French mosquÃ©e, from Old French mousquaie, from Old Italian moschea, from moscheta, from Old Spanish mezquita, from Arabic masjid. -- dictionary.com

Ok back to my original subject: the disturbing acts at the mosques.

1) InMeccaa: El 7aram el Makky

I was surprised to see that the security allowed people to bring along cameras. Am not talking about cell phones with cameras, no I am talking about cameras of all types (digital/film) and sizes AND camcorders!!! I saw a handful of people posingin frontt of the ka'aba with huge grins on their faces! well Idon'tt know whether this is religiously prohibited or not but it just seems so wrong!

Residents of nearby areas spend their weekends in the Haram. They literally spend it there! Like eat, drink, sleep, chat get entertained and everything else!!! There was this family I saw of 12 members or more of all age groups sitting/lying in one of the sections of the mosque. I have to admit that they were rather quiet for such a large party. But all of a sudden this man comes in with huge bags filled with Kudo Meals. (For those of you who don't know what Kudo is: Kudo is afast foodd chain I only saw in KSA andI'mm not exactly sure if it has branches outside the country. They serve stuff that we Emirati people find in cafeterias and mura66abat. In other words its a fancier Ma7arat el Ba7ar lol) . So back to the head of that family got them fast food meals, the whole place ended up smelling like fried chicken, grilled meat and fries ! I wasappalledd!how could they? HelloOoO! This is NOT a picnic spot! There was a time when even during Ramadan people had to sneak in food. They were only allowed to bring in coffee, dates, and bread. Whatever happened to that!!

On the other hand I was glad to see that some of the things Idisapprovedd last time disappeared. For example: During my 5 days stay I only heard 2 cell phones going off during the prayer and the ringtones were not the very distracting customized one ( meaning not songs ) .
Another things was after dark kids did not turn the outside area to a skating alley. During my previous visit two years ago as soon as the weather cooled off hundreds of kids took out their roller blades, skates, scooters and invaded the outside area (saa7a) and turned it into a play ground, which was very disrespectful and annoying. I was so glad to find that the authorities have controlled that, they even had a sign that prohibited it!

2) In Madinah, el 7aram el Madany

There was only this one thing that annoyed the hell out of me and my mom. The security women were searching usevery timee we were entering the mosque. You will tell me that it's a normal and regular procedureyaha Hanan why are you so annoyed? Well cause they were not searching us the normal way! The normal way would be the way they do it in Mekkah, they look at your bags and ask you if you have anything in your pockets in 20 seconds you're on your way. However in Madinah, they were searching us as if we were convicted murderers! They take more than 60 seconds on a person and they feel you up and down!! (Just the memory is making me shudder in disgust) Seriously the airport security was less tight. And when I could not take it I asked the woman what she s exactly looking for, she gave me ascornfull look and said in the most condescending way: that she was looking for cell phones with cameras, cigarettes and knives! KNIVES???? And what was most surprising to me was that this eyebrow raising search was being carried out just at the Ladies entrance!

I am not going to question the reasons for the search. But The way they were carrying it on and the securityladies attitudes has to be investigated!

Copy Cat

2006-04-02T07:53:00.000+04:00

Warning: This post might be considered racist and agist by some.

You can always count on a 40+ palestinian man to ruin a joke! My supervisor at work not only steals my work and takes credit for it, he also steals my jokes and just ruins the whole thing!

So we go to a meeting once where there is this old guy who is SO stressed out I actually feared he might get into a cardiac arrest any moment during that meeting. So on our way back to our offices I was sharing my fears with my supervisor and I said something like Dude! someone give him prozac. (Ok at the moment it sounded funny! At least I thought so)
Well guess what I think it took my supervisor a few hours of googling to understand my joke. Anyways a few weeks later we go to one of those meetings again and we see that stressed out man again. A couple of hours later he was briefing us on the meeting and he goes like : " oo Abu XXX kan ekteer em3a9eb oo ana kaan beddee a36eeh prozac oo dawaret bass ma la2eit o 2olet lazem a3meloh sha'3leh!!! "

Dude! Seriously? Think of your own jokes !

Every 3rd text in my inbox

2006-03-26T09:43:00.000+04:00

I thought this would be interesting: I will be noting down every 3rd text message I have in my cell phone's inbox. Wonder what it will say about me or about the people I know

T: Good, not true but good!

T: Graduation happened, meme happened, quarter life crisis happened! What matters now is that u r doing something about it!

T: In a very boring class I made a pig nose mask n colored it pink then I was waring it between classes when a Dr. saw me!! What was I thinking!!

F: Monday

S: She what r u up to? Man I'm bored! I'm at the cheap saloon and they're freakin busy with - believe it or not - LOCALS!

S: I didnt do this in week days...I was in the office at 8:10

W: Friends again??

M: Shall I come

N: Take lot of pix and video tape

N: Guys I dont care if you believe it or not but now i am sure that me and (A) are TWINS!!! every single person here think we are identical!

F: Meme is sick again, she is running fever. Tell mom

F: which one did you life?

S: Still? how come? I'm at the saloon...(S) had her lipo suction today she seems fine metel el 2erde! I didnt see her *** yet though

T: I reach BETWEEN 4 n 4:30 depends on when we leave!

T: Yes No Maybe?

FD: In an hour and hald keep main door open

T: I receive this msg to get an irani ring tone for 5 dhs, out of boredome i reply! now i have 5 less dhs in my ra9eed, no irani ringtone n a feeling of stupidity!

H: Ur getting paid 2morrow

A: confirmed

F: I have none! I can send u a skirt

F: Crazy patients

H: Ahh cute!! Btw u had a lng break after uni when do u start getting bored

W: Australia? How's it?

T: Who is it now?

S: Convertable VW beetle?

H: hahaha wat kinda book is this? N are they refering 2 men or women?

S: It is ... too insightful actually

Af: Two things u have to tell me for sure tonight. 1. credit card and individual prices of events. 2. can they do everything this thursday

Af: if credit card works. then budget 2000-2500

Af: ok then, go for it.

H: Hahahaha yeah i gave number 12 just an hr ago ;-)

H: Hahahaha laa it has 2 be selfish love 'a7ibik fee allah'

H: am trying 2 repeat the word "love" as much as possible 2 c if it kan overwrite da word hate..

F: La wallah? 3ein!

N: LOL

W: I was at your place. It's intimidating. You're sleeping

S: (A) ****** big time!! mean she's officially gona get her 1st "welcome 2 the real world" slap! I'm not happy in a gloaty way, she'll finally learn her lesson!

T: Any reason why?

N: Thanx gurl!

F: Mimi woke up?

T: " for these foods are not free - you have to wear them for years to come. You cant eat it all and still be thin. this is a fact. " THIN COMMANDMENTS, amazing book!

M: that msg could make me cry...came online to check if you were there yest..U werent..let me know when u can come online...will come..take care..miss u

F: Fries or mozarella sticks

S: I'm not goin to the concert, (A) za3lan menni

S: What bugs me msot is that she's being a ***** now, and i hate her for it, but when she decides to be a person again i become nice again!I hate that about me!

T: We meaning? not bad if I arrive by 4:30 so i can pray!

F: thanks

S: Hey call me when u wake up. I'm assuming ur ASLEEP!

H: Crack!

FD: Bleach makes me cry

S: Meaning the ***** my boss and the ******* (SK)! I am suffocating!

H: El qolob 3ind ba3adha

T: hahahaha

H: hahahaha .. laa i was thinking 2 play da dumb role w/ the voice n everything

H: laa wa zidich min el she3r beit. i volunteered 2 help, nt knowing wat i'll be doin .. N i just found out ill be a blonde/bimbo hostess/doorman

H: am going 2 da conf now..

FD: Yup

F: the korean lady in grey's anatomy reminds me of (N)

S: OMG, i MUST tell u the AD idea (A) came up with for her capstone XXXX campaing! It's so laughable ur gona roll on the floor!

T: I just reread the msg! Not bad I guess, throw paris to the london equation n the stay!

FD: forget the USA

T: Why?

S: Hey we must go to the concert on WED ok? block your calendar!!

I skipped messages regarding oppointments, sales, bank transactions and the way too personal ones.
wow! So funny how the same message can be understood differently!

Inside out

2006-03-01T09:14:00.000+04:00

I am a mediocre person.
The reality of it hurts like hell.
I might be considered a wannabe.
Heck who am I kidding, I am one.
And I hate myself for it.
I find it easy to hate people.
Not that people wont find any difficulty hating me
I started a rumor at school that one of my good friends was a lesbian.
She never knew it was me.
My one and only girl fight;
I slapped a 16 years old girl when I was only 10.
Then she kicked my ass.
She was much taller than me.
And she swore like a sailor.
I speak 4 languages.
I am not exceptionally good at any of them.
And I dont really know how to swear.
Plus it got boring after the first slap.
I get bored easily.
I am firm believer that it is genetic.
I am already bored with this.
I am sure you are too.

-----------------------

i wanna dig down deep
i wanna lose some sleep
i wanna scream and shout
i wanna know you inside out

-- Bryan Adams
-----------------------

One of the saddest truths about me is my first experience with music.

The first album I ever bought was Ehab Tawfee2's " 3adda el leil "
I wonder what the hell was I thinking.
Apparently I wasn’t.
I still don’t think much.
That explains my hatred for sudoku.
Yet I wish I could for once finish one.
I guess that makes me an airhead.
I am blonde.
Well not naturally blonde of course.
My new favorite song is this old song titled "alone again naturally"
It was on Virgin Suicides soundtrack
I don’t pretend that I liked the movie. I
t was actually one of those weird movies that make you hate yourself.
I liked Lost in translation
For some weird reason I was able to relate to it.
I've never been to Japan.
Never really wanted to either.
I always wanted to go to Zanzibar or Zanjabar.
The word zanjabeel makes me laugh.
When I was young I made up my own swear word.
Only my sister heard me actually say it.
No I am not going to write it down.
But I don’t really know what it meant.
This still confuses me.
I also made up an invisible friend.
He was my 2 years old cousin.
This everyone in the family knew about.
And they thought it was crazy.
Specially that I wasn’t that young.
I was twelve; kind of old for imaginary friend.
I wish I could make up an imaginary friend now.
But it is weird enough that I talk to myself most of the time.
I am talking about full conversations.
I just had the most awkward conversation.
I told a coworker that she just ruined her own surprise birthday party by walking out.
I feel stupid for arranging this.
I suck at planning events.
I planned my niece’s birthday last 3eed.
The balloons were flat before the party started.
I had to fix that.
I did fix it.
Everything was great.
Until I got down with flu.
The worst type of flu.
I still have it , 2 3eeds later.
I was secretly worried I had bird flu.
I hate birds.
I hate all animals now that I am at it.
I am an ailurophobic.
That is a person who fears cats.
It is also known as Elurophobia, Felinophobia, Galeophobia, or Gatophobia.
No I don’t think they will eat me or anything.
And I don’t think they are possessed by jinn or anything else.
My 2 years old niece always tells me that " entee kbeera, mat5afeen men cat"
I wrote a paper in college about possession and exorcism.
Another one of those what the hell was I thinking moments.
The professor gave me an A for it.
I still wonder why.
The same professor asked me whether my (thick) eyebrows were real.
No I answered. I stick them on!
The same professor predicted that whenever I will fall in love I will fall really badly.
I told him I don’t believe in love that is why.
I don’t know if I was right. I don’t know if he was right.
There were other words of a professor which got stuck in my head.
The one teacher who actually taught me a thing or two.
Not the text book jargon.
No standing on the table either
He just taught me how to be a better me.
From a Beta version to a real person.
Although I did have an instructor who stood on table once.
He was the worst impersonator of Marlon Brando.
No I will not discuss The Godfather.
I don’t have a godfather.
If I ever have kids I want them to have godparents.
Fairy Godparents!
(That made me laugh!)
For a person who almost hates everybody, I laugh a lot.
I guess that would make me a misanthrope
That is a person who hates or distrusts mankind.
I just googled that definition.
I like using google as a verb.
I sometimes refer to myself as a googler.
I am a pretty damn good googler too.
I wonder if they have like a test that I can take to prove that.
Quiz: How google savvy are you?
No I won’t make that into a real quiz and send it out to people.
I won’t ask them to forward their results in the subject line.
And forwarding the quiz to 10 people won’t get them a kiss from their crushes.
I hate junk mail
I also hate mailing lists or groups
But I hate discussion boards most of all
I hate it when people post “shukran 3ala el muroor” or something
I also hate it when people get excited about being the first one to answer any post
I only use one message board. And that is to download add-ons for my Sims. I love my Sims.
I guess this only confrims my hatred towards mankind.
I guess this is un-Islamic.
I try to be a better Muslim.
And praying 5 times a day is not enough to make me a better Muslim.
And I don’t think listening to music makes me a bad Muslim.
I enjoy very different genres of music.
I am into Jamie Cullum and Nora Jones right now.
I was told I look like Nora Jones,
Jennifer lopez,
Queen Rania Al Abdullah,
Jessica Alba,
AND
Leonardo Di Caprio
Notice how none of those celebrities look like the other?
I hate watching E entertainment.
I hate magazines like Hello and US weekly.
The real question is who cares anyway?