Things that make you go ughhhhh

Or just want to blog ... 

1) 

Parts of a telephone conversation that an English person who has moved to the area only a couple of weeks ago. 

From the tone of the English person I figured that the person on the line was not doing their job properly.

English Person: I want you to get this done by tomorrow *or something to that effect*

Other Person: *I am assuming this* enshallah

English Person: No No No Not enshallah...but tomorrow...I need this to be delivered by tomorrow ok? Not enshallah! Tomorrow!

I couldn't hear the English person anymore but I heard someone else that was with the English person laughing really loudly.

2) 

Warning: This is not for the faint hearted germaphobes or people who have a tendency to be obsessive compulsive.

 

The other day, while browsing the miscellaneous aisle at the local supermarket, I heard a familiar yet out of place clicking sound. I looked around trying to find the source of that sound. You can only imagine my surprise when I saw it coming from a guy who was leaning on the shelves cutting his finger nails. Yes, you read it right! He was cutting his nails. 

I nudged my sister and asked her if I was imagining things. But, no I was not. The guy was really cutting his nails in the middle of a supermarket. I stood there staring at him in complete shock/disgust, trying to shame him with my stare. But the guy was oblivious to anyone around him, once he was done with the cutting, he moved on to filing the nails. 

And once this little manicure session was over, he threw the nail cutter right back in the pile of all the other nail cutters for sale!

I am still astound. 

3)

Last week, I was called in by my boss for a special project. A special project in our office lingo means a project that involves at least an H.E. level person. I was asked to work on a presentation for a certain H.E..

Honestly, I was thrilled; this was it. This was my break. This was my chance to prove to everyone how talented/smart/indispensable I am. 

So I did my homework by getting a detailed brief, asking all the right questions and getting all the information needed blah blah blah trying so hard to impress everyone. 

Little did I know, that my presentation was not really a presentation for the H.E. but more like a college project for H.E.'s daughter!!!!

I wish that I was kidding, but no I am not. That is the sad truth. Me: miss goody two shoes, the person who never *ok never might be too strong of a word* but who hardly cheated or copied anyone else's work back in school, had to *almost* do some spoilt brat's level 400 paper. 

And that wasn't the end of it! To help me, help her with the project; she sent me copies of the chapters! To better understand the requirements !!!! 

The nerve of the brat!! 

Thinking out loud

" So your family has been in the UAE for a while right? You are an old Emirati? " 

Who is an Old Emirati? Who is an Emirati?

Are you born an Emirati? Is it your Passport that makes you an Emirati? Or is the 5ula9at El qaid? 

Are Emiratis people of certain tribes only? From certain Emirates?

Who is more Emirati: people of Yemeni roots or Persian Roots? What about Buloush? What about the other 5aleejy people who have the Emirati citizenship? Are they considered Emirati too? 

If we rate Emiratis: Do we have First Class Emiratis? Second Class Emiratis? Who is at the bottom of the this system?

Here's a tricky question:

Let us assume that technically you are a second class Emirati but you have a lot of money (definition of a lot of money: millions) would that make you a first class Emirati?

Foot in my mouth

I made the ultimate mistake in the corporate world:  I was IMing snide -but true- comments about a coworker and I got caught! 

She accidently read the conversation and reported it to our boss. 

If there is one thing that I hate more than being wrong; it's being caught at it! 

I cant think of words to describe the discomfort I am feeling right now. Ugh! 

Am7ag Ba5t

If there was such a thing as Filipino Manicurists Association, they would definitely have this small talk to do checklist.

 

- Ask about age

- Ask about marital status 

- If single, ask why they are still single ( I don't know the scenario for married women) 

- Ask whether the person with you is your: sister/friend/mother/daughter/etc

- Ask who is younger

This is my latest nail bar misadventure. 

Manicurist: How old are you?

Hanan: twenty something

M: Ohhhh but you look so young

H: Thanks. 

M: Are you married? (this is the second rule)

H: No

M: But why?

I smile like an idiot. 

M: You have boyfriend?

H: No

M: Ohh your religion wont let you ehh?

I will spare you the how-do-Emirati-girls-get-married part and skip to the juicy/heart breaking stuff.

M: I have a brother you know...same age as you.He is studying computer science, very good looking. He is willing to convert you know. You think your parents would agree?!

Hanan's ego has left the building. 

My company sent me to a 2.5 days course. I got to sit next to a Tyra Banks look-alike. My initial reaction: Who's this clown? I just hate newbies, I can't help it. Anyways, I just acted courteous, and tried to curb any of the many sarcastic comments I had flooding my brain. And this is what I get...

First day of the course-

Tyra Banks look-alike: OMG you are so nice!
Hanan: ....
Tyra Banks look-alike: No seriously
Hanan: you don't really know me
Tyra Banks look-alike: No, I saw your pics on the intranet and I knew that I had to meet this girl..you seemed so nice.. your pics are so pretty mashallah
Hanan: errr thanks?


One week after the course, Tyra Banks look-alike ads me on BlackBerry Messenger.

Tyra Banks look-alike: Hanan, what's your favorite color?
Hanan: I don't know ... (color)
Tyra Banks look-alike: (color) nice :) I wanna know 3 of your favorite colors. What are the other 2?
Hanan (seriously confused): color 2 & color 3
Tyra Banks look-alike: Hanan is a very nice name. But when I chat to you it feels more like Hanno or maybe Alhanan. Duno. What do your friends call you? Any special nicknames?
Hanan (seriously scared): No one calls me anything. It's just Hanan.
Tyra Banks look alike: May I call you henno or Hanno?
Hanan: hey g2g

Hanan changes her status to unavailable.

It is completely acceptable for a woman to work, travel, spend forty hours a week with her male co-workers. However, she can not take pictures with them. 

Co-worker 1: Sorry, we don't take photos. Mangood. 3eib. Am not allowed to.

Me: Why?

Co-worker 2: Cause we just dont trust people. You never know who will get hold of them.

Me: So you mean you don't trust your co-workers? Cause no one else will look at them.

Co-worker 1: No of course I trust them! 

Co-worker 2: It's not about trust. The guys I work with are amazing.

Me: 3eyal? what is it? 

Co-worker 1: Ah well you never know!

I just don't get the whole stigma around taking and publishing Emirati women's photos.

We have 4 women in our cabinet
50 percent of the jobs in the ministries and federal organizations are occupied by Emirati women.

We have the youngest female judge in the Arab World. 
We have women working as public prosecutors, doctors, engineers, pilots, etc.
Over 70 percent of Emirati undergraduates are women.

But the majority of the women still thinks that it's unacceptable for others to see their photos. 

I don't know why I let everything you say get to me?
Obviously I care, for some reason beyond my understanding, I care. Otherwise I wouldn't be spending most of my time playing, pausing, rewinding all our conversations in my head.

I don't want to impress you. I don't want to be you. I don't want to be your friend. I don't want your acknowledgment. Yet, I am so freaking obsessed, that I am blogging about it.

Of all the things I want to tell you, I want to tell you this: For a so called nonconformist, you surely do judge!