Stupid Mistake!

Genuine mistakes turn into stupid WHY ME incidents.
Red = my thoughts

[Inbox] 10:16 am
Good Morning.Start ur day with asmile like what im doing now! Have anice day.

[Outbox]
Good morning to you too :) And you are?

[Inbox] 10:41 am
What do you mean by and u r?

[Outbox]
I mean who am I texting?

[Inbox] 10:40 am
U will make me upset!

[Outbox]
Any clues?

Inoming Call

Me: Hello?
Texter: ALLOO
how are you?
Me: good, who - the hell- are you?
Texter: You dont know me?
Me: No! Who is this? (why would I ask if I already knew?)
Texter: Dont you remember?
Me: -getting really impatient -No, do I know you?
Texter: We met at the airport 2 months ago
Me: (Huh? I wasnt nowhere near an airport 2 months ago) Dude you are mistaken
Texter: No no no I am sure its you
Me: so who do you think you are talking to?
Texter: I dont know you name, what letter does it start with?
Me: Are you kidding me? What? No. Dude you are mistaken.
Where did you get this number from?
Texter: You gave it to me at the airport?
Me: What the hell?Who does this guy think he is talking to? Listen dude, I dont give out my number to strangers, and if I ever did I think I would remember. so yeah you got the wrong number. Bye
Texter: No No No wait, I am the pilot you met at the airport, you said I look too young to be a pilot then we had to leave so we exchanged numbers.
Me: Like What kind of cheesy pick up line is that!! huh? No No NO. You are mistaken so bye.

Hang up.

Inoming Call
--> Yeah Right! me ignore

[Inbox] 11:04 am
Really im sorry if im mistaken! but try 2 remember my name is Y***** hald local and half from lebanon.Any way it was really nice talking 2 u and sms u earlly in the morning :-)

[Inbox ]11:14 Multimedia Message

Is this supposed to be funny?Ok I have to admit it, I smiled a little bit! At first I thought the guy was so demented that he would actually send me his picture!

Inoming Call
Time to set things straight.

Texter: -Laughing- Do you remember me know?
Me: Yes! Listen this is not funny. The message was funny but this is not funny anymore. I am serious, I have no idea where you got my number from but I would really appreciate it if you stop calling me! I just dont do such 7arakaat ok?
Texter: Are you sure you dont know me? Dont you know any pilots? I know one, she's a woman!! We met? Maybe your friend gave me your number WHAT? Ok ok fine I wont bother you anymore. It was nice talking to you
Me: Bye
Texter: Bye

[Inbox 11:32]
It was really nice talking 2 u :-) can i be one of ur friende? I have no one her coz i was in u.s ! Like that will make me go oooh he is lonely! Take care and have asweet day like u. You definitly dont know me Mr. cause noone who knows me describes me as sweet!

[Inbox 1:25]
Time is like a river...u can't stEp On d same water twice becaue d flow that has passed will never pass u again..Cherish every moment of ur life. Stay happy! OMG! what are you trying to say? this is my moment to become your friend, otherwise I will lose it?

What I hate about being the new kid?

• You have to keep on reminding people of your name
• People just assume you already know everything about their current business and projects
• You have to ask all those questions to know about what s going on, and when you do that everyone looks at you like you are a complete idiot
• All the inside jokes !
• Being told that: that is not how things are done in here
• Not really be given specific things to do because apparently you dont know how things are done in there!

I am sure there are more, I'll update them

New kid on the block

I have entered a new world!
A world where all girls wear lots of make up, fancy 3bas and designer bags.
A world where everyone squeals when they greet others.
They talk in Italics.
How are you! I missed you so much! I have to show you the pictures!
A world where everyone s chatty and happy.
A world where the glossier you are the wider you smile.
I thought 4 years at ZU would be more than enough to make me get over this.
But now it seems I am dealing with a bling world of a different league.
The players now have an audience to impress; the white kandoras!
Oh boy!!

walking away

That is one year of my life packed in one small box!!

I can't believe I wasted an entire year of life rotting in that place. I believe it was one of the least challenging phases of my life. No I guess that would make it one of the most challenging phases of my life. It challenged my tolerance, it challenged my sanity, it challenged my trust in myself. I guess in some ways I rose up to the occasion, and in other I miserably failed.

Enshallah, let's just hope that I am about to begin something more fulfilling.

When I looked at the box after I was done clearing away my stuff, this cheesy urdu shayeri got stuck in my head. It was one of those antidepressant induced moments, where a word or a phase would pass through my head and I begin repeating it over and over. I have no control over this and it just goes on and on until my head really hurts and my tongue becomes heavy and dry.


"Insaan ki khawahish ki koi intihaa nahi,Do gaz zameen chahiye, do gaz kafan ke baad"

I am sure I am not supposed to be scanning official letters that I get at work but I could not help myself! For some reason this subject cracked me up! Emtane3 warba7! Emtane3 3an what exactly?! LOL
I dont know what a regular not-a-kid person would think!
But this it seems is a campaign to help people quit smoking!
I dont know why but I always thought that the word mostly used with smoking was Eqla3 (9ee'3at Amr) or Eqlaa3 ( Esem)

Sunshine On My Window

On my way to work today I saw: mini rainbows over road-side sprinklers, one extraordinary black Ferrari, two black sheeps and a white one!

Hanan of Arabia

My 3 years old niece was spending the night with me.
Tucked in her bed, and right before she slept, she looked up at the ceiling and asked me:
Baby: 7anan, Allah foug?
Me: yes, he is everywhere. (Thinking: where did that come from?!)
Baby: Allah boy?
Me: La he is not
Baby: Allah maye7ebny?
Me: (In utter surprise) La Allah ye7ebbech! Allah ye7ebna kelna!
And she dozed off.

My last words kept on echoing in my head and made me think of my past few days.
It was the answer to all my unasked questions.

I got my sign.

On my birthday

7th August, 1992
A few of my cousins and my siblings were all sitting in grandma's room passing just another Summer afternoon. My aunts had just returned from the bank and were going through the events of the day. After counting all the money and checking her gold, my eldest aunt handed me a fresh from the bank bundle of notes and asked me to give it to my mom. It could have been my first time holding such a large sum of money. With a huge sense of responsibility and an air of superiority I went out of my grandma's room intending to go straight to ours. My brother who is two years older than me followed me out of the room and asked me to slow down.
We were in the hallway just outside of my grandmother's room, when he told me that the money I was holding was actually my birthday gift! " It is a large amount and that's why she didnt give it to you" I looked at him in disbelieve. " You can ask her if you want, go ahead, you know she is in there". He knew that I spent the whole day thinking how insignificant my birthday is to everyone in that house. He knew that I always thought someone will surprise me on my birthday, I always wanted that. I went back inside that room and asked my aunt in hesitation " Is this my birthday gift?" I dont remember who said what, but I still remember the laughter that filled the room, and the stabbing pain in my heart when my brother was rolling on the floor.

Let go of me

I talked to my manager before he left on his annual leave that I will be submitting my resignation the following week. In utmost happiness he accepted it with no words of remorse whatsoever.

Upon completing exactly one year at the company and not a day more, I submitted my resignation with no second thoughts.
As neither my boss nor his manager, nor the General manager are available my resignation could not be accepted!

Now, the person in charge did contact my manager, but he did not receive any reply yet. Surprise surprise! My boss was not helpful when I was a full time employee and he had my loyalty, would he be helpful now that I am leaving?!

Funny how selfish some people can be, when I told him about my decision, my manager started bragging about an offer he got from somewhere else. " It's a very good offer, better than my current package. I wanted to work there, the housing allowance was less, and I didnt want to move to Dubai." Dude! How can it be a better offer when you are getting less allowance?!

Rapture tastes so sweet!

With all the negativity in the air, I decided to count my blessings.

Some of the things that I am currently smiling about: (In a random order)

• Sleeping in this morning.
• Going late for work. I'm entitled to being late. At least 5 days per month.
• Submitting my resignation. Euphoric!!
• Being offered to be on a super mini TV clip (Wa6any ana... Ana Wa6any)
• Receiving the Ultimate customer service from Amazon. They delivered the books I ordered within just a week!! I heart Amazon!
• Having my friend over at work
• My strawberry-pineapple juice
• My new job!
• The movie I am about to see in 45 minutes!

" It is never too late to have a happy childhood!" - Can't remember who said this hillarious quote!

Stop The Press ...

I might have been tweleve years old when I started reading newspapers. Everyday on my way back from school I would grab my dad's copy and read Al Ittihad in the car. In the begining it was the just the last page and the Rayy Ennas articles, then I got interested in the 7awadeth section and so on, by the time I was in high school I was reading the whole paper more or less, including the dreadful first page that I purposly used to skip and the political and social essays written by renowned journalists.

It was one of those first page news that got me into one of my first great depressions. The 2001 "Intifada" broke my heart. The helplessness was too great to bear. To me the only way of coping was pretending that ignorance is bliss. And so it was in 2001 that I decided to end this long love-hate relationship and stop reading the papers altogether.

Surprisingly enough, for a person who eventually got a degree in Media Studies, I did not really need to read the papers. ( Now don't judge me; judge the program I was enrolled in!)

It wasnt until quiet recently, in a de-bimbofying* attempt to resuscitate my former so-called intellectual self that I sought back the company of newspapers. And this time I took out the big guns! I started going through a couple of local newspapers, and some arab and international news websites. This way I thought I will get the big picture. I would be able to evaluate infromation to produce my own unbiased and educated opinions on international affairs. And at the same time I would be able to steer away from getting into personal, emotional and irational dilemmas.**

Alas! I might as well had tried to make my boss fly!


It ain't ignorance that causes all the trouble in this world. It's the things people know that ain't so. --Edwin Armstrong




----------------
* I had to use that word! Since I made up that word this morning, I could not wait to use it!!
** Seems like I copied that from my ZULO reflection papers!!

إن لم تكن ذئبا أكلتك الذئاب

This world is not a place for a person like me.
With all my hostility, I am still too mellow.

You gotta be kidding me!

Some people just need twice as much sense to be called halfwits! Seriously how dumb can you be?

AND THE LATEST – SUPERMAN IS REAL
Numerous people around Dubai believe that Superman is not a product of a comic book, but in fact a real-life superhero.

>> This conspiracy theory only emerged yesterday after the 7DAYS printed a spoof paper called the ‘Daily Planet’ as part of an advertising campaign for the new movie ‘Superman Returns’. In the spoof paper photographs of Superman were shown in the UAE, Lebanon and Egypt.

>> Since the publishing of the spoof paper, however, 7DAYS has received legitimate phone-calls from the public asking whether the sightings were in fact real.

>> Unfortunately, 7DAYS had to bust this conspiracy theory and admit that the pictured sightings were courtesy of the power of Photoshop and purely an advertisment for the new movie ‘Superman Returns.

7days

Rock On!

How come we can't see such ads in here?

Summer Empowerment

Me and my sister in a souvenir shop :

Sister: Oooh this is so cute!
(My sister points at a crystal cube with customized 3D portrait inside)
Me: yeah it is alright
(Not really interested)
Sister: We should totally get our pics done
Me: yeah ok
(Still not interested)
Sister: which size should we take?
Me: hmmm
(I had to look up and see what she was talking about.
I see 3 piles of stacked crystal cubes:
The pile on left had 3 crystals of 3 different sizes
The pile in the middle had 3 crystals of 2 sizes,
The pile on the right; I can't really remember.)

Me: Excuse me, which one of those is the medium size?
(Silly Sales Attendant -SSA- points at the pile on the left)
SSA: if this one is small and this one is large, which size do you think is the one in the middle?
(Group of SSA starts laughing)
Me: Ok so what about the ones in here?
( I point at the pile in the middle)
SSA: those two are small but this one is large.
(SSAs laugh some more)
Me: see that is why I asked
SSA: It is up to me!
Me: you know because of that attitude of yours am not going to buy anything. Your Bad!

Me and Sis walk out of shop!

We just got a call !!

I wonder how I managed to keep posting stuff without a single mentioning of how much I loathe my job! Notice to choice of word: loathe.

So anyways I got to know through a friend that this really good company had an opening in my line. So what do I do? I call this other friend of mine whose friend works in HR for that particular company and ask them to check out my resume. The next day I get an interview call!
I was so thrilled! The interview was scheduled for 11; at 9:30 I get a call saying that we should push it till 12. So am like OK! For the search-for-the-signs-type of person who I am that was not the best sign I could get...but I tried to suck it up and go on with it.. Around 11:30 I get a call that the interview will be postponed till 3. The sign is not getting any better!!!

So I am there at 2:45 and as soon as the elevator door opens, I see this girl from uni who remembers my name but I don’t remember hers! For someone who thinks that she has a SUPER memory that totally sucked! Anyways small talk lets me know that she is working there. And my superficial so-call-superior self goes like: OMG this is the type of people they hire! Snooty me; yeah I know! So I go like ok nice meeting you blah blah and supposedly I march off in this Huh I am so getting hired way when I realize that this -yeah-I-do-work-for-that-company company did not have a proper reception or receptionist ( I would like to believe that it was so because they are moving into a new building) So what do I do? I panic like crazy and run off to look for that nameless girl, and the really nice girl helps me find my way ( I am only adding nice cause people expect that you are supposed to appreciate others who help you)

As if I was not feeling awkward enough with that whole where-is-the-bloody-reception-those-heels-are-killing-me episode the interviewer, a young Emirati man in his early 40s walks into the office where I was waiting and just extends his hand right at me!! I look at him in surprise and mutter something like: me no shake hand! So he takes his eyes off his cell phone and looks up at me and says in the most condescending way: aaah entoo mub men elly ysalmoon!
What the hell was that?! Dude we are both Emirati the norm is that we do not shake hands!! I repeat we do not shake hands!!!

I just don’t get this! Why do I of all people keep on getting this handshake situation???

Handshake Horror Flashbacks:

1) High School Graduation Ceremony:
Yet another Emirati guy shaking hands with all of us and handing us stupid diplomas. All the 20 or 30 girls before me in line went ahead and shook hands with the guy.. I had to make this end so when it was my turn I walked up to the table where the guy was standing I extended my right hand and made this stupid stop sign and pointed it at him and said: Sorry ma asalem! The guy was horrified!! And I was beyond humiliation!! For a moment there I thought the whole auditorium went quiet and the only thing that was there was my stupid stop sign and the weird look on the poor guy's face!! But it seems that it did do the trick and he waited for the girls to extend their hands before!!!

2) Working at a bank:
An Emirati co-worker comes and shakes hand with this other Arab lady co-worker. then he looks at me smiles and just extends his hand right in my face ( I was sitting) This guy was so slimy; I didn’t even bother saying anything to him!! I just gave him a blank stare and kept my hands to myself!!

3) Only a dozen or two of professors and visitors at the uni (But those are foreigners: you can excuse them, mostly)

4) I was at this course once, at the end of the course the British instructor was shaking hands with everyone, when he came to me I was like am sorry but women in here don’t shake hands, he apologized and went all red and apologized again for his ignorance and just walked away. All good; no harm done. Until this really weird 5aleejy guy goes like “hehe don’t shake hands snort snort ". I felt so ticked off!!!!!! But I was in no way going to explain myself to that jerk and so I thought just a scornful look at him would do.

I know some just think that where the hell does this woman live? What era is this? Yeah well it does not really matter to me how unsophisticated it seems it is just that I am no supposed to be shaking hands and well, I am not, why cant you just respect that? And get off my back!!!

And to that jerk who said something like this on a similar note:
"Shaking hands with you or looking at you without your 7ijab does not do me anything"
Well I see you without 7ijab and hell I wish you had one! And A neqab too!!!




I wonder how I manage to do this; start my post saying: oh this one is going to be breezy, and end up discuss such issues!!! Next time, dear blog, I will right something cheery, I promise!

115 Relationship Titles

"As if it came from an atavism deeper that fear, I used to add "brother" silently to boys' names. It hexed the boys, who would or would not ask me to dance, and made them less scary and as familiar and deserving of benevolence as girls.

But, of course, I hexed myself also- no dates. I should have stood up, both arms waving, and shouted out across libraries, " hey, you! Love me back." I had no idea, though, how to make attraction selective, how to control its direction and magnitude. If I made myself American-pretty so that the five or six Chinese boys in the class fell in love with me, everyone else- the Caucasian, Negro, and Japanese boys - would too. Sisterliness, dignified and honorable, made much more sense. "

Maxine Hong Kingston- The Woman Warrior

Hanan's Rules to survive the corporate world

I can’t believe it has been almost a year since I started work.
Last August, I was this overly excited young girl ready to take the corporate world by storm. This August I am this girl who drives like crazy down the highway trying to make it at work before the maddening 7:16.
What happened between those two Augusts?Well Hanan was hit hard on her face by reality of this big bad world!

So to all those eager fresh Emirati graduates here are the 10 rules I think everyone has to know about the corporate world in the UAE.

1. Forget all you have learnt at uni/college/school. It only makes different in how much you get paid but otherwise has to real value whatsoever. You could be an Ivy League graduate but in this world it means nothing!
2. Your colleagues are old boring people. Forget all you have seen on Ally McBeal or how to get a guy in 10 days or 13 going on 30 or any other Hollywood movie where the people you work with look like magazine centerfolds and dress up in Marc Jacobs.
3. Your number one enemy is your Emirati boss. All he cares about is his title, his position, his promotion, his you get the picture! You are nothing but a new threat who wants to take over his position.
4. You wont have work everyday. OR: you may never get any real work ever! But don’t blame yourself. And don’t go and ask for work either. Your boss will get all those thoughts from rule # 3.
5. If rule #4 does not apply to you and you do get work. Be ready to be the secretary, the chai man/woman, the driver, the printer fixer, the interpreter, your English is good please proofread this for me-er, or we just need an Emirati person for this photo shoot person or god forbid we want to showcase ourselves as a nonsexist place where women have equal rights so please attend this meeting with the GM/consultants/guests etc person.
6. Never gossip with co workers. You never know who the snitch is!
7. EDIT: Never let your guard down even if the person in front of you is insisting on the whole brother/sister name calling thing. PS: It's just a line!
8. Have everything in writing! The oldest trick in the book: blame the new person!
9. One of the things they don’t tell you during your interview. One of the most important skills you have to have in order to be accepted by everyone else in your department: You should be able to list at least 5 different restaurants -that can deliver breakky or brunch- and their phone numbers and their special meals. As the new one around you have to be able to proof to them that you are what you eat!
10. The last but not the least: make sure you have internet connection and or a cell phone loaded with credit. Believe me you will need it!

Hay Fidelity?

نقصت 10 كيلو

سويت ريجيم و راحت كرشتي

زوجي كتب البيت باسمي

بسافر و ألف العالم

زوجي كل أسبوع يفاجئني بهدية و يمدحني

و أنا الوحيدة في حياته

(اماراتية تحلم)

Last night I received that text message. It is just so sad! No not the whole diet and weight loss part cause am a firm believer that no lard can stand up against a well balanced diet and a good five times a week work out! But it was all the other points that got me frowning!
Most (let's say 97%) of Emirati girls grow up wanting to get married sooner than god forbid later. Now am not sure if the whole infatuation is with the idea of getting married or the idea of throwing an unforgettable wedding party or just having the burden of being a spinister off their shoulders but that is an other story all together.
What made me reread this message was not the fact that it was not funny in the first place but that I personally know more than handful of married Emirati women who can definitly see themselves in that message.
Is fidelity something so rare nowadays that people joke about it?
At a (feminist) friend's place this issue came up. We discussed whether a person should get into a relationship assuming that a time will come when their partner would cheat. We also wondered which would be better after knowing that your partner cheated/is cheating: staying with him or leaving? Keeping it to yourself or confronting him? Would it be a surprise that after years of marriage he was willing to give you up?

Eat your heart out

As a kid in a school surrounded by people from an entirely different background from mine, I really had a hard time explaining myself.
I had a particularly difficult time saying the word “sandwich" in Arabic; at that time of course i didn’t know that the word in Arabic is the same as in English. At home I used to say it the way it is meant to be said" sandwich" and I said it in my highly appraised American accent (Whatever!!)

But at school I was confused by the different names my mates were giving it: sunddawittch... sandweesh...sainweeshé .
Usually it was only a couple of clueless girls around me who heard me say my own version of the word. But one unfortunate day in 3 grade, for some incomprehensible reason a teacher decided to ask us what we got for lunch ( I think she wanted to hog the best meal!) So when my turn came I got extremely confused and conscious and the dreadful word that came out of my mouth sounded like shhanndweesh !!!!! My mean teacher roared in laughter and so did the whole class!