Hanan's Rules to survive the corporate world

I can’t believe it has been almost a year since I started work.
Last August, I was this overly excited young girl ready to take the corporate world by storm. This August I am this girl who drives like crazy down the highway trying to make it at work before the maddening 7:16.
What happened between those two Augusts?Well Hanan was hit hard on her face by reality of this big bad world!

So to all those eager fresh Emirati graduates here are the 10 rules I think everyone has to know about the corporate world in the UAE.

1. Forget all you have learnt at uni/college/school. It only makes different in how much you get paid but otherwise has to real value whatsoever. You could be an Ivy League graduate but in this world it means nothing!
2. Your colleagues are old boring people. Forget all you have seen on Ally McBeal or how to get a guy in 10 days or 13 going on 30 or any other Hollywood movie where the people you work with look like magazine centerfolds and dress up in Marc Jacobs.
3. Your number one enemy is your Emirati boss. All he cares about is his title, his position, his promotion, his you get the picture! You are nothing but a new threat who wants to take over his position.
4. You wont have work everyday. OR: you may never get any real work ever! But don’t blame yourself. And don’t go and ask for work either. Your boss will get all those thoughts from rule # 3.
5. If rule #4 does not apply to you and you do get work. Be ready to be the secretary, the chai man/woman, the driver, the printer fixer, the interpreter, your English is good please proofread this for me-er, or we just need an Emirati person for this photo shoot person or god forbid we want to showcase ourselves as a nonsexist place where women have equal rights so please attend this meeting with the GM/consultants/guests etc person.
6. Never gossip with co workers. You never know who the snitch is!
7. EDIT: Never let your guard down even if the person in front of you is insisting on the whole brother/sister name calling thing. PS: It's just a line!
8. Have everything in writing! The oldest trick in the book: blame the new person!
9. One of the things they don’t tell you during your interview. One of the most important skills you have to have in order to be accepted by everyone else in your department: You should be able to list at least 5 different restaurants -that can deliver breakky or brunch- and their phone numbers and their special meals. As the new one around you have to be able to proof to them that you are what you eat!
10. The last but not the least: make sure you have internet connection and or a cell phone loaded with credit. Believe me you will need it!