Thursday, December 28, 2006

الحقيقة أغرب من الخيال

My Fabricated twisted Version of this twisted news story!

Why Single Emirati Girls are terrified
By Hanan in UAE December 28, 2006

It is a big mistake to venture out at night if you are young, female and unmarried in the UAE.

Fatma M7amad, a university student, let her guard down and paid the price by being kidnapped. Four days after being carried off by a gang of thugs, starved and severely beaten, Fatma found herself married to a man she had never seen before. (oooh that's new!)
Her tears and screams led to beatings, at least until the nuptials were complete. During the marriage ceremony a rope was tied around Fatma's waist in case she disgraced the groom's family by trying to flee. (so kidnapping someone to marry them is not disgraceful enough) But by then, the resistance had been beaten out of her.

In those dark hours, all she wanted was for the nightmare to end, even if it meant being married to a complete stranger. But, like thousands of similarly married Emirati girls, she feared the kidnappers' vengeance. Unwilling to face more beatings, she resigned himself to marriage.

This is marriage season in UAE, and it is a dangerous time for young women. Imaginary Emirati workers say excessive dowry demands by brides has forced the parents of young men to hire men to organise such "shotgun alliances".

Payment of large dowries - banned by law - is widespread in UAE. The groom is expected to shower the bride with a wide range of consumer goods, jewellery and cash .

Activists in UAE said the bride kidnapping system was well honed. Delivery by the "Rasein bel '3a9b contractors" was guaranteed within days. "Fatat jameela mu7tarama thaat 5uleq" are among the top targets.


I repeat this is a work of fiction I don't want readers to think this actually happens in UAE, we have our own problems as it is lol !

Monday, December 25, 2006

Season's Greetings




One of the best greeting cards I have received this season.

My scanner did not do it much justice.


This one was designed by Calcium Advertising. Great Work!

Thursday, December 21, 2006

So text me

"In this world of ordinary people
extraordinary people
I'm glad there is you
In this world of overrated pleasures
and underrated treasures
I'm glad there is you"
- Jamie Cullum


Treasures from extraordinary people in my life: their words mean the world to me


"My life is a series of events that can be described as : what's least possible to go wrong will most probably go wrong to the maximum. "
- P.T (3:55 pm 7-Dec-06)

" I have eyes to see, ears to hear n the ability to think n speak! I am educated, I have enough money to even occasionally lavishly spend. I can walk, run, n lie down. I have a grand roof on my head n a family to fall back on. I eat whenever I want n have water to drink n bathe. Most importantly I was born a Muslim. n I know Allah la yu'9aye3 ajr el3ibad. I'm not going to let the occasional misfortunes of life make me ungrateful or unthankful!
- T (3:48 pm 5- Dec-06)

"
يا رب كانه ما حصل لي ألاقيه و ألقى معه روحي و نبض(ن) فقدته
خذ عمرياللي باقي(ن) لي فلا بيه أنا وعدت و بأوفي اللي وعدته
ال(لا) لغيره بس له تنقلب (ايه) وقعت بإسمه خافقي و اعتمدته
الله أكبؤ من كثر ما أنا أغليه لا زاد هجرانه من الوصل زدته
"
- A (5:39 pm 11-Dec-06)

Thursday, December 14, 2006

sovereign

I Fight for power .. power to control myself

Monday, December 11, 2006

" being able to survive it doesnt mean it was ever ok..."

One of my new guilty pleasures that I am embarrassed to admit is regularly checking post secret .
There is something so therapeutic about sitting behind a screen and looking at other people's secrets. As you look at each post card someone else's life unravels in front of you explaining to you about your own life and struggles.


"Stumbling I fall away it's hard to make a change
easy to be who you are when no one knows your name
walking past the lonely walls with eyes as cold as stonec
limb inside the emptiness it's safe when you're alone" - Lifehouse

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

come on, judge me

For some reason I feel like I should be blogging about the rain, about how beautifully depressing it was, about how it promised me of new beginnings and bitter ends.
But I guess I wont. After all, I never did what I expected myself to do. I outdo myself with my rebel against my own self.

What I will blog about is the creepy incident that happened to my yesterday.

On my way to work yesterday morning, I saw a colleague's brand new car and a smile crept on my face remembering an inside joke.
I looked up and saw a phattan (Pakistani) driver in a pick up who just saw me smiling from ear to ear. The minute our eyes met, he actually attempted to pick me up!!! Imagine THAT!! " shesmak, agool shesmak!!!"
In panic I frowned, looked away, and ran for my life. Then mixed feelings of anger, humiliation, disgust and surprise flooded me. I was angered at how cheap a man made me feel. I was humiliated by what what my "market value seemed to be" . Disgusted at the thought of being hit on by a phattan and surprised at the fact that a phattan actually has just hit on a local, and most probably by his demonstrated confidence it seems that it did work for him a few times before!!

Monday, November 20, 2006

Lu'3atuna Aljameela

Tufaa3? Oh boy!

6aaaaaa5

A Blonde Moment,,,

In a meeting with the General Manager and the top directors at my old work, I wanted to ask the General Manager a question. Addressing him as Bu Flan just seemed to bedwee to my taste, I raised my hand and said: "Excuse me Mr. GM"!!!!!


A Filipino Moment,,,

During one of my meetings with my -oh-I-love-to-embarass-everyone-manager, instead of saying Khalifa I said "KALEEPPA"!!!!


And A Bloushy Moment.

During the transitional phase between my zalama accent and local accent, upon leaving a shop in KSA, I looked at the salesman and said "MASHKOORA"!!!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Sigh.....


I was looking at the Reuters selection of best pictures from the last 24 hours. I stopped at this pic, it looked too familiar, then I moved to the next slide, where I noticed there is a caption underneath each picture, went back to this picture and read the caption. A construction site in Dubai. Why am I not surprised?

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Time of Death 10:15

I hung up, not knowing what to say. I sent an email to a co-worker reassigning our meeting with someone else. I left a note to an other co-worker and told the rest that I have to leave on an urgent basis.

In the elevator, I examined my reflection in the mirror; fixed my sheila, and checked my teeth.
On my way to the car I took a glimpse towards the driver's seat. He was on the phone, he was breathing heavily and his tears were already rolling. Someone already told him. I sighed in relief, I didn't want to be the one to tell him, or anyone else for that matter.

When will I have to be back to work? What should I be wearing? Will it be OK for me to wear make-up? I guess foundation and kohl will be acceptable.. whatever happened to that Kuwaiti blogger who wrote something about Jakie Kennedy ? Now she knew how to blog. Did she say it was acceptable or not? Maybe drop the kohl, just foundation and lots of concealer, I am sure I will look awful from all the crying. But Hanan you are not crying, why are you not crying yet? Does it have to do with the antidepressants you're taking? Or is this what you have grown to be; a cold hearted person void of all emotions? My phone rang, " Hanan, is everything OK?" "I wont be able to come to work for a few days, It's an emergency" " What is it? Are you OK" "My.. my.. my grandmother passed away". The moment the words came out my lips, uncontrollable burning tears rushed down my cheeks. They were tears of grief over the loss of my grandma, mixed with tears of joy that after all I am a human.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

And to be fair ...

Hanan's list of annoying men:

  1. Men who end any debate with: Cause I am a man. Dude that's not a valide argument!
  2. Men who walk in the malls with a tribe of kids yelling, Ya Walad ro7 3end ummak, but still manage to hit on any woman around.
  3. Men who think that being a man makes him a better driver. Two words for you: Danica Patrick .
  4. Men who think they can get married at any age to women of any age. 60 marrying 16 is just gross!
  5. Men who think married women are easy. Shame on you!
  6. Men who think that they can get anyone women they want. Meaning when they say Bayeeb raas flaana!!
  7. Men who hide their age. I actually met a guy who never confessed his age and bragged about him looking very young. Dude, being short does not mean being young!
  8. Men who wear diamonds . A girl's best friend! Wanna steal that from us too?
  9. Men who think that men can excel in any feel, not due to personal qualities but because they are men! --> very similar to point 1, just shows how annoying it is!
  10. Men with long hair: It's only ok if you have nice hair and it shouldn't be longer than shoulder-length no matter what!

Monday, October 09, 2006

Poisonous Eve

Hanan's list of annoying women:


  1. Women who think being dumb is the best way to act in front of men. No, I will leave all the math work on you, I am a woman, I don't like to think!
  2. Women who consider getting married their ultimate goal.
  3. Women who after fulfilling their ultimate goal, can't stop talking about their husbands. Even more annoying are the ones who would ad, well you don't have a husband so you wouldn't know how it is for us married women!
  4. Women who think being open minded means being of loose character.
  5. Women who think its OK to talk about women issues among other women. - No just cause I know about it doesn't mean I wanna know about what's going on with you!
  6. Women in 7ejab who allow their daughters to dress up like baby hoochie mamas.
  7. Women who when attempting to get to know you ask, what is your star sign? - What's up with that?!
  8. Women who swear they were gonna buy the same shirt from X shop. But then decided against it. Or women who go like, ooh nice skirt, it's from X shop right? If you know you saw it, why bother asking me about it?!
  9. Women who just think they deserve special treatment just because they are women. To the lady waiting for a taxi the other day, you saw there were 5 men standing in the line you knew that they were there before you, you felt the terrible weather, you had no right to take that cab.
  10. Women who just have to make everything about them. Your broken arm reminds them of when their neighbors pet turtle was lost and they had to paint their house blue!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Stupid Mistake!

Genuine mistakes turn into stupid WHY ME incidents.
Red = my thoughts

[Inbox] 10:16 am
Good Morning.Start ur day with asmile like what im doing now! Have anice day.

[Outbox]
Good morning to you too :) And you are?

[Inbox] 10:41 am
What do you mean by and u r?

[Outbox]
I mean who am I texting?

[Inbox] 10:40 am
U will make me upset!

[Outbox]
Any clues?

Inoming Call

Me: Hello?
Texter: ALLOO
how are you?
Me: good, who - the hell- are you?
Texter: You dont know me?
Me: No! Who is this? (why would I ask if I already knew?)
Texter: Dont you remember?
Me: -getting really impatient -No, do I know you?
Texter: We met at the airport 2 months ago
Me: (Huh? I wasnt nowhere near an airport 2 months ago) Dude you are mistaken
Texter: No no no I am sure its you
Me: so who do you think you are talking to?
Texter: I dont know you name, what letter does it start with?
Me: Are you kidding me? What? No. Dude you are mistaken.
Where did you get this number from?
Texter: You gave it to me at the airport?
Me: What the hell?Who does this guy think he is talking to? Listen dude, I dont give out my number to strangers, and if I ever did I think I would remember. so yeah you got the wrong number. Bye
Texter: No No No wait, I am the pilot you met at the airport, you said I look too young to be a pilot then we had to leave so we exchanged numbers.
Me: Like What kind of cheesy pick up line is that!! huh? No No NO. You are mistaken so bye.

Hang up.

Inoming Call
--> Yeah Right! me ignore

[Inbox] 11:04 am
Really im sorry if im mistaken! but try 2 remember my name is Y***** hald local and half from lebanon.Any way it was really nice talking 2 u and sms u earlly in the morning :-)

[Inbox ]11:14 Multimedia Message

Is this supposed to be funny?Ok I have to admit it, I smiled a little bit! At first I thought the guy was so demented that he would actually send me his picture!

Inoming Call
Time to set things straight.

Texter: -Laughing- Do you remember me know?
Me: Yes! Listen this is not funny. The message was funny but this is not funny anymore. I am serious, I have no idea where you got my number from but I would really appreciate it if you stop calling me! I just dont do such 7arakaat ok?
Texter: Are you sure you dont know me? Dont you know any pilots? I know one, she's a woman!! We met? Maybe your friend gave me your number WHAT? Ok ok fine I wont bother you anymore. It was nice talking to you
Me: Bye
Texter: Bye

[Inbox 11:32]
It was really nice talking 2 u :-) can i be one of ur friende? I have no one her coz i was in u.s ! Like that will make me go oooh he is lonely! Take care and have asweet day like u. You definitly dont know me Mr. cause noone who knows me describes me as sweet!

[Inbox 1:25]
Time is like a river...u can't stEp On d same water twice becaue d flow that has passed will never pass u again..Cherish every moment of ur life. Stay happy! OMG! what are you trying to say? this is my moment to become your friend, otherwise I will lose it?

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

What I hate about being the new kid?

  • You have to keep on reminding people of your name
  • People just assume you already know everything about their current business and projects
  • You have to ask all those questions to know about what s going on, and when you do that everyone looks at you like you are a complete idiot
  • All the inside jokes !
  • Being told that: that is not how things are done in here
  • Not really be given specific things to do because apparently you dont know how things are done in there!

I am sure there are more, I'll update them

Sunday, September 03, 2006

New kid on the block

I have entered a new world!
A world where all girls wear lots of make up, fancy 3bas and designer bags.
A world where everyone squeals when they greet others.
They talk in Italics.
How are you! I missed you so much! I have to show you the pictures!
A world where everyone s chatty and happy.
A world where the glossier you are the wider you smile.
I thought 4 years at ZU would be more than enough to make me get over this.
But now it seems I am dealing with a bling world of a different league.
The players now have an audience to impress; the white kandoras!
Oh boy!!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

walking away



That is one year of my life packed in one small box!!

I can't believe I wasted an entire year of life rotting in that place. I believe it was one of the least challenging phases of my life. No I guess that would make it one of the most challenging phases of my life. It challenged my tolerance, it challenged my sanity, it challenged my trust in myself. I guess in some ways I rose up to the occasion, and in other I miserably failed.

Enshallah, let's just hope that I am about to begin something more fulfilling.

When I looked at the box after I was done clearing away my stuff, this cheesy urdu shayeri got stuck in my head. It was one of those antidepressant induced moments, where a word or a phase would pass through my head and I begin repeating it over and over. I have no control over this and it just goes on and on until my head really hurts and my tongue becomes heavy and dry.


"Insaan ki khawahish ki koi intihaa nahi,Do gaz zameen chahiye, do gaz kafan ke baad"

Tuesday, August 15, 2006


I am sure I am not supposed to be scanning official letters that I get at work but I could not help myself! For some reason this subject cracked me up! Emtane3 warba7! Emtane3 3an what exactly?! LOL
I dont know what a regular not-a-kid person would think!
But this it seems is a campaign to help people quit smoking!
I dont know why but I always thought that the word mostly used with smoking was Eqla3 (9ee'3at Amr) or Eqlaa3 ( Esem)

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Sunshine On My Window

On my way to work today I saw: mini rainbows over road-side sprinklers, one extraordinary black Ferrari, two black sheeps and a white one!

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Hanan of Arabia

My 3 years old niece was spending the night with me.
Tucked in her bed, and right before she slept, she looked up at the ceiling and asked me:
Baby: 7anan, Allah foug?
Me: yes, he is everywhere. (Thinking: where did that come from?!)
Baby: Allah boy?
Me: La he is not
Baby: Allah maye7ebny?
Me: (In utter surprise) La Allah ye7ebbech! Allah ye7ebna kelna!
And she dozed off.

My last words kept on echoing in my head and made me think of my past few days.
It was the answer to all my unasked questions.

I got my sign.

Monday, August 07, 2006

On my birthday

7th August, 1992
A few of my cousins and my siblings were all sitting in grandma's room passing just another Summer afternoon. My aunts had just returned from the bank and were going through the events of the day. After counting all the money and checking her gold, my eldest aunt handed me a fresh from the bank bundle of notes and asked me to give it to my mom. It could have been my first time holding such a large sum of money. With a huge sense of responsibility and an air of superiority I went out of my grandma's room intending to go straight to ours. My brother who is two years older than me followed me out of the room and asked me to slow down.
We were in the hallway just outside of my grandmother's room, when he told me that the money I was holding was actually my birthday gift! " It is a large amount and that's why she didnt give it to you" I looked at him in disbelieve. " You can ask her if you want, go ahead, you know she is in there". He knew that I spent the whole day thinking how insignificant my birthday is to everyone in that house. He knew that I always thought someone will surprise me on my birthday, I always wanted that. I went back inside that room and asked my aunt in hesitation " Is this my birthday gift?" I dont remember who said what, but I still remember the laughter that filled the room, and the stabbing pain in my heart when my brother was rolling on the floor.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Let go of me

I talked to my manager before he left on his annual leave that I will be submitting my resignation the following week. In utmost happiness he accepted it with no words of remorse whatsoever.

Upon completing exactly one year at the company and not a day more, I submitted my resignation with no second thoughts.
As neither my boss nor his manager, nor the General manager are available my resignation could not be accepted!

Now, the person in charge did contact my manager, but he did not receive any reply yet. Surprise surprise! My boss was not helpful when I was a full time employee and he had my loyalty, would he be helpful now that I am leaving?!

Funny how selfish some people can be, when I told him about my decision, my manager started bragging about an offer he got from somewhere else. " It's a very good offer, better than my current package. I wanted to work there, the housing allowance was less, and I didnt want to move to Dubai." Dude! How can it be a better offer when you are getting less allowance?!

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Rapture tastes so sweet!

With all the negativity in the air, I decided to count my blessings.

Some of the things that I am currently smiling about: (In a random order)
  • Sleeping in this morning.
  • Going late for work. I'm entitled to being late. At least 5 days per month.
  • Submitting my resignation. Euphoric!!
  • Being offered to be on a super mini TV clip (Wa6any ana... Ana Wa6any)
  • Receiving the Ultimate customer service from Amazon. They delivered the books I ordered within just a week!! I heart Amazon!
  • Having my friend over at work
  • My strawberry-pineapple juice
  • My new job!
  • The movie I am about to see in 45 minutes!



" It is never too late to have a happy childhood!" - Can't remember who said this hillarious quote!

Monday, July 31, 2006

Stop The Press ...

I might have been tweleve years old when I started reading newspapers. Everyday on my way back from school I would grab my dad's copy and read Al Ittihad in the car. In the begining it was the just the last page and the Rayy Ennas articles, then I got interested in the 7awadeth section and so on, by the time I was in high school I was reading the whole paper more or less, including the dreadful first page that I purposly used to skip and the political and social essays written by renowned journalists.

It was one of those first page news that got me into one of my first great depressions. The 2001 "Intifada" broke my heart. The helplessness was too great to bear. To me the only way of coping was pretending that ignorance is bliss. And so it was in 2001 that I decided to end this long love-hate relationship and stop reading the papers altogether.

Surprisingly enough, for a person who eventually got a degree in Media Studies, I did not really need to read the papers. ( Now don't judge me; judge the program I was enrolled in!)

It wasnt until quiet recently, in a de-bimbofying* attempt to resuscitate my former so-called intellectual self that I sought back the company of newspapers. And this time I took out the big guns! I started going through a couple of local newspapers, and some arab and international news websites. This way I thought I will get the big picture. I would be able to evaluate infromation to produce my own unbiased and educated opinions on international affairs. And at the same time I would be able to steer away from getting into personal, emotional and irational dilemmas.**

Alas! I might as well had tried to make my boss fly!


It ain't ignorance that causes all the trouble in this world. It's the things people know that ain't so. --Edwin Armstrong




----------------
* I had to use that word! Since I made up that word this morning, I could not wait to use it!!
** Seems like I copied that from my ZULO reflection papers!!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

إن لم تكن ذئبا أكلتك الذئاب

This world is not a place for a person like me.
With all my hostility, I am still too mellow.

Monday, July 17, 2006

You gotta be kidding me!

Some people just need twice as much sense to be called halfwits! Seriously how dumb can you be?

AND THE LATEST – SUPERMAN IS REAL
Numerous people around Dubai believe that Superman is not a product of a comic book, but in fact a real-life superhero.

>> This conspiracy theory only emerged yesterday after the 7DAYS printed a spoof paper called the ‘Daily Planet’ as part of an advertising campaign for the new movie ‘Superman Returns’. In the spoof paper photographs of Superman were shown in the UAE, Lebanon and Egypt.

>> Since the publishing of the spoof paper, however, 7DAYS has received legitimate phone-calls from the public asking whether the sightings were in fact real.

>> Unfortunately, 7DAYS had to bust this conspiracy theory and admit that the pictured sightings were courtesy of the power of Photoshop and purely an advertisment for the new movie ‘Superman Returns.

7days

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Rock On!


How come we can't see such ads in here?

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Summer Empowerment

Me and my sister in a souvenir shop :

Sister: Oooh this is so cute!
(My sister points at a crystal cube with customized 3D portrait inside)
Me: yeah it is alright
(Not really interested)
Sister: We should totally get our pics done
Me: yeah ok
(Still not interested)
Sister: which size should we take?
Me: hmmm
(I had to look up and see what she was talking about.
I see 3 piles of stacked crystal cubes:
The pile on left had 3 crystals of 3 different sizes
The pile in the middle had 3 crystals of 2 sizes,
The pile on the right; I can't really remember.)

Me: Excuse me, which one of those is the medium size?
(Silly Sales Attendant -SSA- points at the pile on the left)
SSA: if this one is small and this one is large, which size do you think is the one in the middle?
(Group of SSA starts laughing)
Me: Ok so what about the ones in here?
( I point at the pile in the middle)
SSA: those two are small but this one is large.
(SSAs laugh some more)
Me: see that is why I asked
SSA: It is up to me!
Me: you know because of that attitude of yours am not going to buy anything. Your Bad!

Me and Sis walk out of shop!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

We just got a call !!

I wonder how I managed to keep posting stuff without a single mentioning of how much I loathe my job! Notice to choice of word: loathe.

So anyways I got to know through a friend that this really good company had an opening in my line. So what do I do? I call this other friend of mine whose friend works in HR for that particular company and ask them to check out my resume. The next day I get an interview call!
I was so thrilled! The interview was scheduled for 11; at 9:30 I get a call saying that we should push it till 12. So am like OK! For the search-for-the-signs-type of person who I am that was not the best sign I could get...but I tried to suck it up and go on with it.. Around 11:30 I get a call that the interview will be postponed till 3. The sign is not getting any better!!!

So I am there at 2:45 and as soon as the elevator door opens, I see this girl from uni who remembers my name but I don’t remember hers! For someone who thinks that she has a SUPER memory that totally sucked! Anyways small talk lets me know that she is working there. And my superficial so-call-superior self goes like: OMG this is the type of people they hire! Snooty me; yeah I know! So I go like ok nice meeting you blah blah and supposedly I march off in this Huh I am so getting hired way when I realize that this -yeah-I-do-work-for-that-company company did not have a proper reception or receptionist ( I would like to believe that it was so because they are moving into a new building) So what do I do? I panic like crazy and run off to look for that nameless girl, and the really nice girl helps me find my way ( I am only adding nice cause people expect that you are supposed to appreciate others who help you)

As if I was not feeling awkward enough with that whole where-is-the-bloody-reception-those-heels-are-killing-me episode the interviewer, a young Emirati man in his early 40s walks into the office where I was waiting and just extends his hand right at me!! I look at him in surprise and mutter something like: me no shake hand! So he takes his eyes off his cell phone and looks up at me and says in the most condescending way: aaah entoo mub men elly ysalmoon!
What the hell was that?! Dude we are both Emirati the norm is that we do not shake hands!! I repeat we do not shake hands!!!

I just don’t get this! Why do I of all people keep on getting this handshake situation???

Handshake Horror Flashbacks:

1) High School Graduation Ceremony:
Yet another Emirati guy shaking hands with all of us and handing us stupid diplomas. All the 20 or 30 girls before me in line went ahead and shook hands with the guy.. I had to make this end so when it was my turn I walked up to the table where the guy was standing I extended my right hand and made this stupid stop sign and pointed it at him and said: Sorry ma asalem! The guy was horrified!! And I was beyond humiliation!! For a moment there I thought the whole auditorium went quiet and the only thing that was there was my stupid stop sign and the weird look on the poor guy's face!! But it seems that it did do the trick and he waited for the girls to extend their hands before!!!

2) Working at a bank:
An Emirati co-worker comes and shakes hand with this other Arab lady co-worker. then he looks at me smiles and just extends his hand right in my face ( I was sitting) This guy was so slimy; I didn’t even bother saying anything to him!! I just gave him a blank stare and kept my hands to myself!!

3) Only a dozen or two of professors and visitors at the uni (But those are foreigners: you can excuse them, mostly)

4) I was at this course once, at the end of the course the British instructor was shaking hands with everyone, when he came to me I was like am sorry but women in here don’t shake hands, he apologized and went all red and apologized again for his ignorance and just walked away. All good; no harm done. Until this really weird 5aleejy guy goes like “hehe don’t shake hands snort snort ". I felt so ticked off!!!!!! But I was in no way going to explain myself to that jerk and so I thought just a scornful look at him would do.

I know some just think that where the hell does this woman live? What era is this? Yeah well it does not really matter to me how unsophisticated it seems it is just that I am no supposed to be shaking hands and well, I am not, why cant you just respect that? And get off my back!!!

And to that jerk who said something like this on a similar note:
"Shaking hands with you or looking at you without your 7ijab does not do me anything"
Well I see you without 7ijab and hell I wish you had one! And A neqab too!!!




I wonder how I manage to do this; start my post saying: oh this one is going to be breezy, and end up discuss such issues!!! Next time, dear blog, I will right something cheery, I promise!

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

115 Relationship Titles

"As if it came from an atavism deeper that fear, I used to add "brother" silently to boys' names. It hexed the boys, who would or would not ask me to dance, and made them less scary and as familiar and deserving of benevolence as girls.

But, of course, I hexed myself also- no dates. I should have stood up, both arms waving, and shouted out across libraries, " hey, you! Love me back." I had no idea, though, how to make attraction selective, how to control its direction and magnitude. If I made myself American-pretty so that the five or six Chinese boys in the class fell in love with me, everyone else- the Caucasian, Negro, and Japanese boys - would too. Sisterliness, dignified and honorable, made much more sense. "

Maxine Hong Kingston- The Woman Warrior

Monday, May 29, 2006

Hanan's Rules to survive the corporate world

I can’t believe it has been almost a year since I started work.
Last August, I was this overly excited young girl ready to take the corporate world by storm. This August I am this girl who drives like crazy down the highway trying to make it at work before the maddening 7:16.
What happened between those two Augusts?Well Hanan was hit hard on her face by reality of this big bad world!

So to all those eager fresh Emirati graduates here are the 10 rules I think everyone has to know about the corporate world in the UAE.

  1. Forget all you have learnt at uni/college/school. It only makes different in how much you get paid but otherwise has to real value whatsoever. You could be an Ivy League graduate but in this world it means nothing!
  2. Your colleagues are old boring people. Forget all you have seen on Ally McBeal or how to get a guy in 10 days or 13 going on 30 or any other Hollywood movie where the people you work with look like magazine centerfolds and dress up in Marc Jacobs.
  3. Your number one enemy is your Emirati boss. All he cares about is his title, his position, his promotion, his you get the picture! You are nothing but a new threat who wants to take over his position.
  4. You wont have work everyday. OR: you may never get any real work ever! But don’t blame yourself. And don’t go and ask for work either. Your boss will get all those thoughts from rule # 3.
  5. If rule #4 does not apply to you and you do get work. Be ready to be the secretary, the chai man/woman, the driver, the printer fixer, the interpreter, your English is good please proofread this for me-er, or we just need an Emirati person for this photo shoot person or god forbid we want to showcase ourselves as a nonsexist place where women have equal rights so please attend this meeting with the GM/consultants/guests etc person.
  6. Never gossip with co workers. You never know who the snitch is!
  7. EDIT: Never let your guard down even if the person in front of you is insisting on the whole brother/sister name calling thing. PS: It's just a line!
  8. Have everything in writing! The oldest trick in the book: blame the new person!
  9. One of the things they don’t tell you during your interview. One of the most important skills you have to have in order to be accepted by everyone else in your department: You should be able to list at least 5 different restaurants -that can deliver breakky or brunch- and their phone numbers and their special meals. As the new one around you have to be able to proof to them that you are what you eat!
  10. The last but not the least: make sure you have internet connection and or a cell phone loaded with credit. Believe me you will need it!

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Hay Fidelity?

نقصت 10 كيلو
سويت ريجيم و راحت كرشتي
زوجي كتب البيت باسمي
بسافر و ألف العالم
زوجي كل أسبوع يفاجئني بهدية و يمدحني
و أنا الوحيدة في حياته
(اماراتية تحلم)

Last night I received that text message. It is just so sad! No not the whole diet and weight loss part cause am a firm believer that no lard can stand up against a well balanced diet and a good five times a week work out! But it was all the other points that got me frowning!
Most (let's say 97%) of Emirati girls grow up wanting to get married sooner than god forbid later. Now am not sure if the whole infatuation is with the idea of getting married or the idea of throwing an unforgettable wedding party or just having the burden of being a spinister off their shoulders but that is an other story all together.
What made me reread this message was not the fact that it was not funny in the first place but that I personally know more than handful of married Emirati women who can definitly see themselves in that message.
Is fidelity something so rare nowadays that people joke about it?
At a (feminist) friend's place this issue came up. We discussed whether a person should get into a relationship assuming that a time will come when their partner would cheat. We also wondered which would be better after knowing that your partner cheated/is cheating: staying with him or leaving? Keeping it to yourself or confronting him? Would it be a surprise that after years of marriage he was willing to give you up?

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Eat your heart out

As a kid in a school surrounded by people from an entirely different background from mine, I really had a hard time explaining myself.
I had a particularly difficult time saying the word “sandwich" in Arabic; at that time of course i didn’t know that the word in Arabic is the same as in English. At home I used to say it the way it is meant to be said" sandwich" and I said it in my highly appraised American accent (Whatever!!)

But at school I was confused by the different names my mates were giving it: sunddawittch... sandweesh...sainweeshé .
Usually it was only a couple of clueless girls around me who heard me say my own version of the word. But one unfortunate day in 3 grade, for some incomprehensible reason a teacher decided to ask us what we got for lunch ( I think she wanted to hog the best meal!) So when my turn came I got extremely confused and conscious and the dreadful word that came out of my mouth sounded like shhanndweesh !!!!! My mean teacher roared in laughter and so did the whole class!

Monday, May 08, 2006

Facts about the region


On one of the rare occasions when the higher ups remembered that they hired me I was given a project to create an orientation guide for new employees coming to the UAE for the first time. HR are basically targeting expats from US, UK, Canada etc ( don't even get me started on that!! )
Anyways. In this guide I included points that I think might be useful for people coming to the region such as cost of living, social customs, food, recreation blah blah blah. To help me with this project, I was advised (by an expat) to go through some guidebooks that are specifically designed for travelers to the area. Well as it is no surprise those guides are written by expats for expats. Those guidebooks are ridiculous!!!!
Flipping through this particular guidebook was amusing yet surprising! Some of the information were news flash to me!
For example the attached excerpt! As a twenty something Emirati who lived here all her life I never felt the need to learn Persian of all languages!! Urdu/Hindi yeah we might need that sometimes! But Persian? Seriously? In situations when Arabic or English are not helpful I believe sign languages and hand gestures come to the rescue!
One of the other amusing things I read was " In the UAE the term 'sheikh' applies only to members of the ruling family. The rulers themselves carry the formal title of 'emir' (literally, 'prince'), but are usually referred to as 'sheikhs' "

HUH? Since when? Please someone correct me if I am wrong !!

The above two are examples I got from reading only about 14 pages or so, I wonder what else is there in the rest of the guidebook! And yeah this one is supposed to be the best one out there!

Well one more thing I have to say, no matter how much they read they are definitely in for a surprise!!

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Holy!

I went to KSA last week for 3omra. I will not discuss all the troubles and mishap at the airport cause they are Saudi they are expected to mess things up! But some of the things I saw at both the 7aram ( Holy Mosques) were extremely disturbing.

Side Note: Yes I wrote Mosque and not masjid cause it does not mean mosquitoes house!!To all email forwarders: Please check the accuracy of the information before you send it off to millions of people out there. So FYI: The word comes from French mosquée, from Old French mousquaie, from Old Italian moschea, from moscheta, from Old Spanish mezquita, from Arabic masjid. -- dictionary.com

Ok back to my original subject: the disturbing acts at the mosques.


1) InMeccaa: El 7aram el Makky

  • I was surprised to see that the security allowed people to bring along cameras. Am not talking about cell phones with cameras, no I am talking about cameras of all types (digital/film) and sizes AND camcorders!!! I saw a handful of people posingin frontt of the ka'aba with huge grins on their faces! well Idon'tt know whether this is religiously prohibited or not but it just seems so wrong!


  • Residents of nearby areas spend their weekends in the Haram. They literally spend it there! Like eat, drink, sleep, chat get entertained and everything else!!! There was this family I saw of 12 members or more of all age groups sitting/lying in one of the sections of the mosque. I have to admit that they were rather quiet for such a large party. But all of a sudden this man comes in with huge bags filled with Kudo Meals. (For those of you who don't know what Kudo is: Kudo is afast foodd chain I only saw in KSA andI'mm not exactly sure if it has branches outside the country. They serve stuff that we Emirati people find in cafeterias and mura66abat. In other words its a fancier Ma7arat el Ba7ar lol) . So back to the head of that family got them fast food meals, the whole place ended up smelling like fried chicken, grilled meat and fries ! I wasappalledd!how could they? HelloOoO! This is NOT a picnic spot! There was a time when even during Ramadan people had to sneak in food. They were only allowed to bring in coffee, dates, and bread. Whatever happened to that!!

On the other hand I was glad to see that some of the things Idisapprovedd last time disappeared. For example: During my 5 days stay I only heard 2 cell phones going off during the prayer and the ringtones were not the very distracting customized one ( meaning not songs ) .
Another things was after dark kids did not turn the outside area to a skating alley. During my previous visit two years ago as soon as the weather cooled off hundreds of kids took out their roller blades, skates, scooters and invaded the outside area (saa7a) and turned it into a play ground, which was very disrespectful and annoying. I was so glad to find that the authorities have controlled that, they even had a sign that prohibited it!

2) In Madinah, el 7aram el Madany

There was only this one thing that annoyed the hell out of me and my mom. The security women were searching usevery timee we were entering the mosque. You will tell me that it's a normal and regular procedureyaha Hanan why are you so annoyed? Well cause they were not searching us the normal way! The normal way would be the way they do it in Mekkah, they look at your bags and ask you if you have anything in your pockets in 20 seconds you're on your way. However in Madinah, they were searching us as if we were convicted murderers! They take more than 60 seconds on a person and they feel you up and down!! (Just the memory is making me shudder in disgust) Seriously the airport security was less tight. And when I could not take it I asked the woman what she s exactly looking for, she gave me ascornfull look and said in the most condescending way: that she was looking for cell phones with cameras, cigarettes and knives! KNIVES???? And what was most surprising to me was that this eyebrow raising search was being carried out just at the Ladies entrance!

I am not going to question the reasons for the search. But The way they were carrying it on and the securityladies attitudes has to be investigated!

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Copy Cat

Warning: This post might be considered racist and agist by some.

You can always count on a 40+ palestinian man to ruin a joke! My supervisor at work not only steals my work and takes credit for it, he also steals my jokes and just ruins the whole thing!

So we go to a meeting once where there is this old guy who is SO stressed out I actually feared he might get into a cardiac arrest any moment during that meeting. So on our way back to our offices I was sharing my fears with my supervisor and I said something like Dude! someone give him prozac. (Ok at the moment it sounded funny! At least I thought so)
Well guess what I think it took my supervisor a few hours of googling to understand my joke. Anyways a few weeks later we go to one of those meetings again and we see that stressed out man again. A couple of hours later he was briefing us on the meeting and he goes like : " oo Abu XXX kan ekteer em3a9eb oo ana kaan beddee a36eeh prozac oo dawaret bass ma la2eit o 2olet lazem a3meloh sha'3leh!!! "

Dude! Seriously? Think of your own jokes !

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Every 3rd text in my inbox

I thought this would be interesting: I will be noting down every 3rd text message I have in my cell phone's inbox. Wonder what it will say about me or about the people I know

T: Good, not true but good!

T: Graduation happened, meme happened, quarter life crisis happened! What matters now is that u r doing something about it!

T: In a very boring class I made a pig nose mask n colored it pink then I was waring it between classes when a Dr. saw me!! What was I thinking!!

F: Monday

S: She what r u up to? Man I'm bored! I'm at the cheap saloon and they're freakin busy with - believe it or not - LOCALS!

S: I didnt do this in week days...I was in the office at 8:10

W: Friends again??

M: Shall I come

N: Take lot of pix and video tape

N: Guys I dont care if you believe it or not but now i am sure that me and (A) are TWINS!!! every single person here think we are identical!

F: Meme is sick again, she is running fever. Tell mom

F: which one did you life?

S: Still? how come? I'm at the saloon...(S) had her lipo suction today she seems fine metel el 2erde! I didnt see her *** yet though

T: I reach BETWEEN 4 n 4:30 depends on when we leave!

T: Yes No Maybe?

FD: In an hour and hald keep main door open

T: I receive this msg to get an irani ring tone for 5 dhs, out of boredome i reply! now i have 5 less dhs in my ra9eed, no irani ringtone n a feeling of stupidity!

H: Ur getting paid 2morrow

A: confirmed

F: I have none! I can send u a skirt

F: Crazy patients

H: Ahh cute!! Btw u had a lng break after uni when do u start getting bored

W: Australia? How's it?

T: Who is it now?

S: Convertable VW beetle?

H: hahaha wat kinda book is this? N are they refering 2 men or women?

S: It is ... too insightful actually

Af: Two things u have to tell me for sure tonight. 1. credit card and individual prices of events. 2. can they do everything this thursday

Af: if credit card works. then budget 2000-2500

Af: ok then, go for it.

H: Hahahaha yeah i gave number 12 just an hr ago ;-)

H: Hahahaha laa it has 2 be selfish love 'a7ibik fee allah'

H: am trying 2 repeat the word "love" as much as possible 2 c if it kan overwrite da word hate..

F: La wallah? 3ein!

N: LOL

W: I was at your place. It's intimidating. You're sleeping

S: (A) ****** big time!! mean she's officially gona get her 1st "welcome 2 the real world" slap! I'm not happy in a gloaty way, she'll finally learn her lesson!

T: Any reason why?

N: Thanx gurl!

F: Mimi woke up?

T: " for these foods are not free - you have to wear them for years to come. You cant eat it all and still be thin. this is a fact. " THIN COMMANDMENTS, amazing book!

M: that msg could make me cry...came online to check if you were there yest..U werent..let me know when u can come online...will come..take care..miss u

F: Fries or mozarella sticks

S: I'm not goin to the concert, (A) za3lan menni

S: What bugs me msot is that she's being a ***** now, and i hate her for it, but when she decides to be a person again i become nice again!I hate that about me!

T: We meaning? not bad if I arrive by 4:30 so i can pray!

F: thanks

S: Hey call me when u wake up. I'm assuming ur ASLEEP!

H: Crack!

FD: Bleach makes me cry

S: Meaning the ***** my boss and the ******* (SK)! I am suffocating!

H: El qolob 3ind ba3adha

T: hahahaha

H: hahahaha .. laa i was thinking 2 play da dumb role w/ the voice n everything

H: laa wa zidich min el she3r beit. i volunteered 2 help, nt knowing wat i'll be doin .. N i just found out ill be a blonde/bimbo hostess/doorman

H: am going 2 da conf now..

FD: Yup

F: the korean lady in grey's anatomy reminds me of (N)

S: OMG, i MUST tell u the AD idea (A) came up with for her capstone XXXX campaing! It's so laughable ur gona roll on the floor!

T: I just reread the msg! Not bad I guess, throw paris to the london equation n the stay!

FD: forget the USA

T: Why?

S: Hey we must go to the concert on WED ok? block your calendar!!


I skipped messages regarding oppointments, sales, bank transactions and the way too personal ones.
wow! So funny how the same message can be understood differently!

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Inside out

I am a mediocre person.
The reality of it hurts like hell.
I might be considered a wannabe.
Heck who am I kidding, I am one.
And I hate myself for it.
I find it easy to hate people.
Not that people wont find any difficulty hating me
I started a rumor at school that one of my good friends was a lesbian.
She never knew it was me.
My one and only girl fight;
I slapped a 16 years old girl when I was only 10.
Then she kicked my ass.
She was much taller than me.
And she swore like a sailor.
I speak 4 languages.
I am not exceptionally good at any of them.
And I dont really know how to swear.
Plus it got boring after the first slap.
I get bored easily.
I am firm believer that it is genetic.
I am already bored with this.
I am sure you are too.
-----------------------
i wanna dig down deep
i wanna lose some sleep
i wanna scream and shout
i wanna know you inside out
-- Bryan Adams
-----------------------
One of the saddest truths about me is my first experience with music.
The first album I ever bought was Ehab Tawfee2's " 3adda el leil "
I wonder what the hell was I thinking.
Apparently I wasn’t.
I still don’t think much.
That explains my hatred for sudoku.
Yet I wish I could for once finish one.
I guess that makes me an airhead.
I am blonde.
Well not naturally blonde of course.
My new favorite song is this old song titled "alone again naturally"
It was on Virgin Suicides soundtrack
I don’t pretend that I liked the movie. I
t was actually one of those weird movies that make you hate yourself.
I liked Lost in translation
For some weird reason I was able to relate to it.
I've never been to Japan.
Never really wanted to either.
I always wanted to go to Zanzibar or Zanjabar.
The word zanjabeel makes me laugh.
When I was young I made up my own swear word.
Only my sister heard me actually say it.
No I am not going to write it down.
But I don’t really know what it meant.
This still confuses me.
I also made up an invisible friend.
He was my 2 years old cousin.
This everyone in the family knew about.
And they thought it was crazy.
Specially that I wasn’t that young.
I was twelve; kind of old for imaginary friend.
I wish I could make up an imaginary friend now.
But it is weird enough that I talk to myself most of the time.
I am talking about full conversations.
I just had the most awkward conversation.
I told a coworker that she just ruined her own surprise birthday party by walking out.
I feel stupid for arranging this.
I suck at planning events.
I planned my niece’s birthday last 3eed.
The balloons were flat before the party started.
I had to fix that.
I did fix it.
Everything was great.
Until I got down with flu.
The worst type of flu.
I still have it , 2 3eeds later.
I was secretly worried I had bird flu.
I hate birds.
I hate all animals now that I am at it.
I am an ailurophobic.
That is a person who fears cats.
It is also known as Elurophobia, Felinophobia, Galeophobia, or Gatophobia.
No I don’t think they will eat me or anything.
And I don’t think they are possessed by jinn or anything else.
My 2 years old niece always tells me that " entee kbeera, mat5afeen men cat"
I wrote a paper in college about possession and exorcism.
Another one of those what the hell was I thinking moments.
The professor gave me an A for it.
I still wonder why.
The same professor asked me whether my (thick) eyebrows were real.
No I answered. I stick them on!
The same professor predicted that whenever I will fall in love I will fall really badly.
I told him I don’t believe in love that is why.
I don’t know if I was right. I don’t know if he was right.
There were other words of a professor which got stuck in my head.
The one teacher who actually taught me a thing or two.
Not the text book jargon.
No standing on the table either
He just taught me how to be a better me.
From a Beta version to a real person.
Although I did have an instructor who stood on table once.
He was the worst impersonator of Marlon Brando.
No I will not discuss The Godfather.
I don’t have a godfather.
If I ever have kids I want them to have godparents.
Fairy Godparents!
(That made me laugh!)
For a person who almost hates everybody, I laugh a lot.
I guess that would make me a misanthrope
That is a person who hates or distrusts mankind.
I just googled that definition.
I like using google as a verb.
I sometimes refer to myself as a googler.
I am a pretty damn good googler too.
I wonder if they have like a test that I can take to prove that.
Quiz: How google savvy are you?
No I won’t make that into a real quiz and send it out to people.
I won’t ask them to forward their results in the subject line.
And forwarding the quiz to 10 people won’t get them a kiss from their crushes.
I hate junk mail
I also hate mailing lists or groups
But I hate discussion boards most of all
I hate it when people post “shukran 3ala el muroor” or something
I also hate it when people get excited about being the first one to answer any post
I only use one message board. And that is to download add-ons for my Sims. I love my Sims.
I guess this only confrims my hatred towards mankind.
I guess this is un-Islamic.
I try to be a better Muslim.
And praying 5 times a day is not enough to make me a better Muslim.
And I don’t think listening to music makes me a bad Muslim.
I enjoy very different genres of music.
I am into Jamie Cullum and Nora Jones right now.
I was told I look like Nora Jones,
Jennifer lopez,
Queen Rania Al Abdullah,
Jessica Alba,
AND
Leonardo Di Caprio
Notice how none of those celebrities look like the other?
I hate watching E entertainment.
I hate magazines like Hello and US weekly.
The real question is who cares anyway?